Why's It So Fricka-Fracking Cold?

I feel like I just woke up in my cottage in Connecticut and now I'm off in a horse-drawn carriage to chop firewood and drink apple cider. Except minus the horse-drawn carriage and chopping firewood. And the cider, because quite frankly, not a fan of anything apple, except caramel apples. With peanuts. But ONLY peanuts, no pecans or other fancy nuts. Well, I've reached my quota on the use of the term "fancy nuts" for the week. My, this is coming out quite stream-of-conscious. Get ready, here comes more.

Like I said, it's cold. (Except not nearly in such a concise manner.) We kept opening the windows to save on air conditioning, but now maybe we're going to have to start running the heat! I mean, I just had to warm up my coffee TWICE while drinking it because it kept getting cold! (Take that, apple cider. Jealous? You should be, hot juice!) ("Hot juice," another quota taken care of.) I'm going to have to pack up my summer clothes and haul out the container of sweaters, when in reality, I will wear like two sweaters over and over and completely ignore the rest until it comes time to box them back up and put them away. The same thing happened with my shorts this year. Yeah, sorry A&F yellow shorts. You're just a tad too jaunty and hard to pair with other clothes. That was $70 well-spent.

And why do I even own bathing suits? I might get in the water like twice a year. I'm still a tad bitter that three years ago, I found the PERFECT bright but not too bright pink bathing suit, only to not go swimming for a year and then when I did, whoopsie not only was it too big, it was so big I couldn't even wear it! It would just slide off in the water. Oh... sorry about that visual. Luckily we were in Palm Springs, so I just wore my American Apparel pink gym shorts. Yeah, sorry about that visual too. Maybe next blog I can talk about that time at the nudist colony.

I did have occasion to wear my delightful Paul Frank Julius boardies this year for my birthday at Coco Key except when we all arrived it was CLOSED for maintenance! It was a total Griswold moment! If there had been a moose, he'd have been punched, I assure you. So once again, money well-spent.

I just looked online at a few stores for Fall/Winter clothes and OF COURSE nothing appealed to me. WHY is that a rule, that color can only be worn in the Spring and Summer. If I could just wear pastels all year long, I would be delighted. Actually, I suppose I DO wear pastels all year long. Take that convention! I'm such a bad-ass rebel sometime. I am quite looking forward to wearing my two cashmere sweaters again, one in light blue and one in guess-what-color. So, I guess something good comes from all of this.

Working It Like It's Never Been Worked Before

My first reaction to Vogue Evolution on America's Best Dance Crew was "People still Vogue?! Madonna didn't even Vogue when she sang 'Vogue' on her last tour!" I didn't expect much. I mean, when you think of Voguing, you don't think of it as being that structured, first of all, it's kind of just free-styling. Secondly... it's a bunch of fags flailing their arms around. Pretty girlie. AND YET, V.E. bring it so hard in their performances! I mean, there is definitely a femininity to it, but they also bring strength and precision that I never expected! I also like that they have a fat guy in the group. But the most incredible thing is the reaction they get from the audience! The crowd is always on its feet after their performances. I NEVER thought I would see a young, mostly teen audience giving a standing O for four gay men and a transgender woman! I seriously get choked up seeing it! I mean this isn't just gay culture, it's really gay culture and sort of underground culture at that and to have it accepted and embraced by mainstream audiences, is really moving!

Update on my all-time favorite crew, Fanny Pak! They're working on an album. They performed to one of the songs on NewNowNext Poplab a couple of weeks ago. It was okay. I just want to see them dance again, so if they have to put out an album in order to get more media coverage, I'm on board!

I love dancing shows. I wish some of their talent would run off on my through the TV!

Return of the Mack

Hello again! It's six a.m. and I'm wide awake, so I thought I'd return to the world of blogging.

First off, Three Olives Bubble Vodka. Bubble gum-flavored vodka. Seriously, who is their target audience? 16 year-olds? Anyone that knows me, knows I do not get along well with gum. I am a mint person. I can chew gum for about five minutes and then I have to spit it out or start dry heaving. I have no idea why this is, but it is so. Maybe it's the not swallowing thing. I should not have just typed that. But, yadda yadda yadda, I love this stuff! I don't normally drink sweet cocktails. I'm a bourbon guy, but I effin' love this stuff! Seriously! I love the Bubble-Oh-Seven. It's bubble gum vodka with Sprite. I know, totally weird, but I'm hooked.

Okay so Hamburger Mary's reopened in Cincinnati and David was dying to go there. It's only been open for like three weeks and it's just the restaurant, not the bar. I think at one point the bar portion won best karaoke in Cincinnati, which was W-R-O-N-G! Not to digress, but it was somewhat startling to learn that that whole gay-guys-love-show-tunes thing was in fact a reality and not just stereotype. Sadly, I am show-tune deficient. If it wasn't from Grease 2 or Annie I don't know it and I have yet to find "Cool Rider" listed in any karaoke binder I have come across.

Anyhoo, so we went to the restaurant and... okay first of all, I cannot believe Hobo Chic is the new black! Looking at you, BritneyLindsayWinehouseMiley! (You too, Joaquim!) But the host was wearing a long sleeve plaid top, jogging shorts, knee socks and hiking boots. Not just the host, but everyone working there looks like they bought their clothes by the pound at the Good Will. Seriously. I mean, I have no love for Paris Hilton, but at least it's clear that she's showered in the last 24 hours! Those celebutards that looks like bums have set a dangerous precedent! Clearly ugly IS the new pretty.

Okay, so I made a mistake and made myself a snack before going to the restaurant, consisting of Kroger Private Selection Black Bean and Corn salsa, sour cream (fat-free), pepperjack cheese and cheddar with baked tortilla chips. Little did I realize, that would be the nummiest thing I ingested all night.

We ordered Fried Mac & Cheese, Chicken Tenders, a Caesar Salad and Sirloin Sliders. The Fried Mac & Cheese and Chicken Tenders were OBVIOUSLY frozen, pre-packaged items. The Sliders were... well, I asked for them to be Medium and they were not. I ate half of one and that was enough. The salad was the only thing I could tolerate, and honestly that's just because you can't really screw up Romaine lettuce. This was THE! WORST!! RESTAURANT FOOD EVER!!! It was worse than movie theater concession stand food! Like seriously, I'd rather have had funnel cake and a corn dog at the fair than this! At least you know what you're getting there!

I thought, "Maybe it's because we didn't have an actual hamburger, since the name is Hamburger Mary's. Obviously, that's their specialty." However, we encountered a fellow diner who DID have a burger, who said that it ALSO tasted like a frozen, pre-packaged item! How do you open a restaurant and sell nothing but frozen, pre-packaged items? Why not just serve Swanson Salisbury Steak TV Dinners while you're at it?! It COULDN'T be worse than the fare currently offered!

So yeah, it would take a VERY high recommendation for me to ever eat there again. Gross!