The Spring Supplement

This is kind of like on Bravo at the end of each series' season, they do a reunion show hosted by that talentless dick-weasel Andy Cohen, a recap/follow-up blog to some older things I've posted, with some new stuff thrown in. 1. No sooner do "insiders" reveal that John Krazinski basically has the role of Captain America locked up, than word surfaces that Channing Tatum is now in the lead. What exactly happened to this guy? One second he's lean and ripped, the next... it's not even that he gained that much weight, it's more that he kinda now looks like one of those microfiber smooshy pillows that were so popular five years ago. Whatever the cause, I think it happened to Luke Wilson too.
Except Channing Tatum just looks like he cut back on working out and maybe over indulged over the holidays. And maybe some cocaine. Possibly. Luke Wilson looks like he just gave up on life. Remember when Owen was the funny one and Luke was the cute one, then Owen tried to commit suicide (decidedly un-funny) and Luke... did this, whatever "this" is (decidedly un-cute). Someone help the Wilson brothers! Please! It's one thing to see certain trashy celebs fall from grace, but these two are too talented to let slide into that cesspool. Maybe someone could call Dr. Drew.
You know what, though? (Back on-topic) Even when Channing Tatum looked like this (above), he still didn't strike me as Captain America-esque. There's always been something I didn't like about him. He's obviously good-looking, but kinda... thuggy. Like he doesn't just know the lyrics to every Eminem song, he feels them. I'm sticking with Chris Pine as my numero uno selection.

2. Dear Jesse James, Way to turn the biggest event in your wife's entire professional life into complete shit!

In case you haven't heard, recent Academy Award-winner (and hottie-maker-outer-er) Sandra Bullock has moved out after learning that her bridge troll of a husband had an ongoing affair with a tattoo model. (That's a job?!)

Oh, btw Jesse, apparently you were unclear in the whole, she's the one that's out of YOUR league, set up.

Obviously this goon CAN'T do better than Sandra Bullock, but come on, at least TRY! That's like that time that Tiger Woods slept with that Waffle House waitress (or was it Denny's? What's Tiger Woods doing eating at either?). Not to condone cheating, but it's one thing to cheat-up with hot models or model-lookalikes, but regardless of how small a celebrity you are, you shouldn't settle for a Last Call Skank! Ooooh. Funny thought: wouldn't it be fun to live in Beverly Hills, just to see the Walks-of-Shame every morning and see who settled for whom the night before. You could even take bets on which house Lindsay leaves this time!

Also, I'd never noticed this, but there DOES seem to be a Best Actress curse. After winning this award, several actresses have had their marriages end: Kate Winslet, Hillary Swank, Helen Hunt, Reese Witherspoon and Halle Berry. Dang, ladies! Gwyneth Paltrow was listed in the article I read, but I'm pretty sure Chris Martin was her only spouse. Maybe her prior relationship ended, but I could swear she wasn't married.

3. I found a Disco Wanda on eBay! As you can see from the above image, it's a DIFFERENT Disco Wanda than the one I'd seen previously. The face looks to be the same, but this doll is wearing a turquoise Dress Barn close-out with ugly green belt, decidedly LESS spectacular than the delightful pants outfit on the previously discovered doll. And who wears a turban?!

Anyway, if you click on the eBay link, you'll see that this lovely doll is going for the low, low bargain basement price of just $229.95! Wow, that's a whole five cents less than $230! What a steal! And steal is what I'd have to do, if I wanted any chance of owning this little treasure. But one day, my dear, one day...

4. I found the above image of Black Canary which I used in my BC tribute blog, on another comic-themed blog. He had loads of neat pictures of the DC super heroes similar to this one... then I realized that most of the others were the images on various tee shirts, like the ones I found on MyTeeSpot.com, the place that had ALL those amazingly obscure super hero tees I blogged about. But... I didn't see a Black Canary tee on there, because TRUST ME, you'd have heard about that! Not only was there this image of Black Canary, but this image of Zatanna:
(Zatanna, pronounced Zuh-tan-uh, i.e. does not rhyme with Carlos Santana... there is no N before the T in her name, is the resident sorceress of the Justice League. She currently looks like this:
which is why everyone I know refers to her as "Who's that girl in the top hat?" I prefer the 80s version in the first illo with bell sleeves and white cape, but that's just me. I should also point out that Zatanna works as a stage magician... but is in fact REALLY magical, so isn't that cheating? Also, in a world where super heroes and villains actually exist and everyone knows this, why would anyone be interested in a stage magician in the first place?)

So wait a second... if every other image on this other blog were illustrations from tee shirts, shouldn't that mean that these were too? I double checked MyTeeSpot, as well as StylinOnline.com and 80sTees.com (both of which as also super amazing btw) and didn't find anything. Then I tried Amazon... and BINGO! I found both through one of their independent dealers. I ordered them, however, I am a tad concerned because according to the vendor, they were Men's sized shirts. Logically, I'd have assumed these were Juniors. So now I just need to wait for them to arrive. I'm really hoping I don't have to exchange them. But I mean, there's no way I can squeeze into a Juniors' size Small but I didn't want to order an XL and have a Men's XL arrive, because that would have looked like a sack dress on me. We'll see...

5. Thank god THAT madness is over with! Saltare FINALLY got kicked off America's Best DANCE Crew last night. To be honest, I fast forward through each show and just watch the dances (and often re-watch them just so I catch everything), but I did manage to hear a snippet of one of the lame assholes in this Crew saying something like, "We know no one likes us and thinks we shouldn't be on this show..." FUCK YEAH! How is that even in question? Is it too much to think that a group appearing on a DANCE show actually fucking DANCE?! Why is that an unreasonable demand?! They shouldn't have even made it onto the show, much less lasted to this point! And screw JC Chasez and his excuses, "What you do is set to music, it's timed, there's rhythm. That's dancing." Um, except wrong! PLUS, and this is what really galls me... they have one gimmick, jumping rope, and they don't even do THAT well! I've seen ten year-old girls doing double dutch and it kicks Saltre's asses! So they don't even do their ONE gimmick well! They have no grace whatsoever. They flail and thump around, while swinging their stupid ropes. The other Crews' routines are seamless and flow from one move to the next, but at least twice, if not more, in every Saltare routine, there's that second or two where they have to pause to get their ropes in sync or whatever.

H-A-T-E THEM!!!

6. I forgot what instigated this, but I was thinking, "Wow, I'm really lucky that geek chic is en vogue. I'm gonna be royally screwed when it goes out of style." Then I realized that maybe it already has! See... I kinda thought people liked the Jersey Shore and other shows like Tool Academy and... every other VH1 reality show, because they were making fun of the idiots on it. But then, I saw an article in a magazine that had a poll for which of the Jersey Shore neanderdouches women thought was the hottest! Um, the only acceptable answer is NONE!!! (Which doesn't appear to have been an option.) HOT?! Those inarticulate, brain-dead, metrogay slabs of beef?! If you're not a stripper or porn star, you shouldn't be attracted to ANY of them! And that pretty much goes for the ladi... er, females on the show. Dear god, is that where we're headed? Are there people that actually RESPECT these kinds of people? Are there actually people that ASPIRE to be like that? Horrific!

And finally, a funny toy review video! Enjoy!

Disco Wanda: Because I Need More Stuff To Collect

After discovering the existence of Shindana Toys last week, I've been doing some research. (If only cancer were an obscure toy line, I'd have cured that by now.) I was surprised to discover that I had, in fact, owned a Shindana product as a child, the Michael Jackson doll:
I even owned the outfit he's wearing in the photo on the box, the yellow sweater vest/bow tie combo, called "Human Nature" (the same photo appeared on the 45 of that single).
I was stunned to find out that, along the lines of the Flip Wilson doll I mentioned, Shindana also produced a talking doll based on foul-mouthed comedian Redd Foxx! How the BEEP do you BEEP make a BEEP doll out of BEEP Redd BEEP Foxx?! That doll alone is probably responsible for the birth rap music. Sadly, there is very little information about Shindana to be had on teh internets. There's a Wikipedia page, but it just has a listing of some high-lights and a few products they made. There are a few items on eBay, mostly their celebrity dolls, and most of those... ESPECIALLY OJ Simpson are quite $$$. Still no sign of Slade the Super Agent, but rest assured, he WILL be mine.Mattel first introduced a black "friend" for Barbie in 1967, "Black Francie" which was the Caucasian Francie doll (Barbie's MOD British cousin) cast in brown plastic. The following year, Mattel introduced Christy, and gave her true African American features, and she remained a constant part of the line for years.

Shindana countered with Wanda, an African American gal who was her own headliner. (Sadly, I don't believe Shindana issued any friends or a boyfriend for her.) Here is Wanda as a TWA flight attendant.
And as a nurse:I'm sure "A Special Person" sounded nicer at the time. Seeing as the doll was 9", it wasn't compatible with the Barbie line, which is probably why I've never heard of it before. It's probably not highly sought-after. And honestly, these two versions of Wanda are rather drab. However, I did discover a MUST-HAVE... Disco Wanda:
Well, first thing, that illustration on the box bears a strong resemblance to this Donna Summer album cover:Also, the difference between Disco Wanda and the Career Girl Wandas is HUGE! She has longer, more glamorous hair. Her outfit is vastly more colorful and eye-catching. (Minus that unfortunate crotch in those pants! That is NOT the area where you want to go wrong on an outfit!) How fierce is that top and matching head wrap? Also, possibly a sign of the times, she is rocking that plunging V-neck with NO BRA underneath! Gloria Steinham would have been proud.
The best part, however, is that facial mold!
The first two Wanda dolls have such neutral expressions, but look how DELIGHTED Disco Wanda seems! (She must know she will one day belong to ME!) Magnificent! I am especially impressed with the open mouth smile, with teeth apart. I don't believe I have EVER seen a doll with that expression! She is having the BEST time a doll ever has!

So the hunt continues... hmmm, I wonder if I could only choose one, Disco Wanda or Slade the Super Agent, which I would pick? Hmmmm...

Toysplotation

Plaid Stallions, one of my absolute favorite blogs, ran this yesterday: http://www.plaidstallions.com/shindana/1976.html. It's about a toy company I previously knew nothing about called Shindana, that specialized in toys for the African American market. According to this story, they were the first company to make African American dolls that accurately reflected ethnic facial features, rather than simply recasting existing Caucasian dolls in brown plastic. Unknowingly, I did purchase one of their products in the past, a "doll" (it was more like a pillow, honestly) based on 70s comedian Flip Wilson, which depicted Flip on one side and his alter ego Geraldine on the other.Jesus, what is it about black comedians and drag?! Also, that looks TOTALLY like Loni Love! P.S. I heard on like Access Hollywood or something along those lines, that Tyler Perry will be presenting at the Academy Awards and my immediate reaction was, "Wonder what his gown will look like." Also, Tyler Perry really ought to be the host of RuPaul's Drag Race. Medea is WAY more successful than RuPaul who had one hit on the Club charts back in 1993!
Okay, so I don't really know who Flip Wilson OR Geraldine is. It was a present for Richard. Apparently, he had one as a kid and talked about it all the time. It originally talked, but I think most talking dolls from the 60s and 70s no longer function. Something about the plastic they used degraded over time. (Seriously, you get more useless information from this blog than one of those "random fact" books people keep in their bathrooms!)
They did, however make a doll based on J.J. Evans from Good Times and I remember the shit out of that show! ("Damn! DAMN! DAMN!")

STRONGEST! BLACK WOMAN!! EVER!!! (Screw J.J.! I want a Florida Evans doll!)

So anyway, I thought I'd share some of my reactions to the Shindana toy catalog from 1976. It's a damn shame this baby will grow up with Mo'Nique as her abusive mother and have two babies by her own father. (Topical!)I want the one in the belly tee! All baby girls should wear belly tees! Way awesomer than Raggedy Ann!Who wants to come over for Game Night? We're playing the great new board game, Feel The Soul! I can't imagine how that translates to a board game. Is the winner determined by whoever can make the white person next to them the most nervous? Do you win if they get up and cross to the other side of the game table? And, I shouldn't have to ask but I assume dancing is involved, right?So THAT'S how my Barbie got dismembered.

Ladies and gentlemen... the most BAD ASS TOY EVER!!!Holy shit! I need that RIGHT NOW!!! Apparently, they didn't want to pony up the cash for the rights to make an actual Shaft doll, so instead the COMPLETELY RIPPED IT OFF!!! Who's the black, hunk of plastic who's a sex machine to all the chicks? SLADE! Damn right. (In the parallel universe of AWESOME, that was the actual toy jingle.) HOWEVER, way to totally ruin the Bad Ass-itude with that ridiculous Baked Potato foil outfit! What the hell is that even supposed to be? Are those shoulder-length opera gloves?! UGH! Foul, Shindana! FOUL!!! Even so... I think I'm in love!