Me = Strong Black Woman (Also, This Is What Happens When I'm Not Working And Have Too Much Time On My Hands.)

Teresa has this great story about how when she was a little girl, playing soccer, her parents bribed her by promising to buy her a Barbie every time she scored a goal. It apparently worked too well, and they quickly took away that incentive. I played soccer in first grade, back before they bothered assigning you positions and you just ran around Lord of the Flies-style. I remember when we practiced, they'd assign you shirts or skins, and while I am terrible at math, I managed to work it out so that I was always shirts. (Hey, this ain't called "Off My Bird Chest" for nuthin'!) ONCE, I got skins (I think there were some schenanigans involved) and talked my coach into letting me just flip my shirt into a halter, Daisy Duke-style. (Jesus, why is my life not a TV show on Logo?) Anyhoo, I like to joke that had my parents been as industrious as Teresa's and offered me the same reward, I'd now be the American David Beckham. And of course, not just any Barbie would do for me! I would insist upon...

Black Barbie!

I think I've discussed before, my odd-but-not-inexplicable fascination with African American women. I blame that on Eartha Kitt (Catwoman!), Nichelle Nichols (Lt. Uhura!) and Donna Summer (Toot toot! Beep beep!). They were among the first women I remember seeing on TV and they made quite the impression. "Hot Stuff" was the first song I learned the lyrics to... so there I was four years-old, singing about a bootie call. Occassionally, while wearing my mom's knee high seude disco boots. Yup.

So I ALWAYS wanted the black character in any toy set. IF there was one. Besides Star Trek, I don't recall any black woman in any boy toy lines, up until X-Men, but I was already in high school by then. (I mean, I still got her, but I was past the "playing with" stage.) I distinctly recalling desperately wanting Orange Blossom from Strawberry Shortcake. This one girl I knew had her. In fact, I think she had all of them and even that butterfly they rode around on. Everytime I went over to her house, I wanted to play with Orange Blossom, but her mom was one of those parents that didn't let other kids play with their kids' toys and all we could do was like color and watch TV. I'm sure playing outside was an option, but screw that. My parents were reluctant to let me get any girl toys. I did manage to get the Purple Pieman, because he was a male, and I also managed to squeek the whole She-Ra: Princess of Power line past them by convincing them that they were part of the He-Man line, which technically they were, just with long brushable hair and jewel encrusted weaponry. And a pink unicorn. By the time Jem came out, they had just given up.

When I moved out, I was free to buy whatever the hell I damn well pleased, so I promptly started buying all the Barbies I wanted. This is my favorite ever, Nichelle from the Generation Girls. I actually have all the Generation Girls. They were so cool! Nichelle was the best! She has THE biggest fro and it's like those kinky, coily curls! Also, this is a first edition. Shortly into the run, the made her fro smaller (I'm sure to cut costs).
This is one of my most recent acquisions, Barbie Loves Disco. I swear, this is the most fabulous I've ever seen in a cardboard box in my life! Sparkles, sequins and FEATHERS! Does it get any better? Heeeeeeelllll no!

So I was prowling Walmart, looking for my super heroes, but of course, I always stop in the girl's section too. (I also often wonder if, when people see me prowling the toy depatment, they think I'm a possible child molester. Be glad most of you don't have to worry about that.) So anyway, girl's toy department... then I spotted some new Barbies I'd never seen.
They are called So-In-Style and I quickly realized... it was a whole line of JUST black Barbies! (That's their designer, Stacey McBride-Irby.) Holy crap! I almost fainted! And sqeeled like a girl! Well, first the squeeling, then the fainting. It really doesn't make sense the other way. Oh I loooooove them! I love how they have different skin tones and facial features (although I think they are all pre-existing head molds). So just like real black women, you have the light skin ("high yellow"), medium and darker. Well... none of them has really dark skin. Occassionally, a manufacturer does a doll with really dark, nubian skin and I have yet to see one that looks very good. I mean, it's not the skin tone, but like... don't give a doll with skin that dark blonde hair! That just looks terrible.

I haven't actually bought one yet. That's because I was kinda too overwhelmed and had to back away slowly. There are three older girls, Grace, Kara and Trishelle. (REALLY, Mattel? No Keisha?! Think about it. Don't we all know like 50 Keishas? It's like the black Sarah.) The younger girls are... I don't care. They're all just Kellys in different skin tones. I mean, I like some Kellys, the ones in costumes and stuff, but not the plain, everyday clothes ones. So won't be getting those.

The older girls come in two formats. Either with

a"little sister" or with hair that you can make curly or straight! Mattel should make a Black Beauty Shop playset! And a Nail Shop... but then they'd have to make a bunch of Korean dolls for that. The fashions are cute... some are a bit hoochie for me, but I guess they do reflect the culture. I mean, I'm from the Dirty South, so I've seen more than my fair share of booty shorts... and that's just on the gays. Zing! No seriously, I've seen a ridiculous amount of law or medical students drop it like it's hot as soon as 2 Live Crew comes on.

I noticed in the pics, there's a boy doll as well. I don't think he's out yet, but I really hope he's not the exact same Black Ken/Steven doll they've been using for the past 20 years. There are probably hundreds of different female heads and even a couple different caucasian Ken heads, but there is exactly ONE African American male headmold at Mattel. What better line to introduce a new one? Uh, so anyway, yeah.

I meantioned my idol Eartha Kitt earlier. I'm very grateful to have seen her perform live, as Cinderella's Fairy Godmother several years ago and even have her autograph on a Playbill (Thanks, Richard's Mom!) and I was the ONLY one who got one! She came right out, signed that one Playbill and got in her limo. Divaliscious! And last year, I was delighted to find her Hollywood Walk-Of-Fame star and get this ferocious picture, which everyone's seen, but it never gets old. And sadly, she passed away a few months ago. I mean, she was about a billion years old... yet she could still stretch her legs over her head, but even so, sad clown. Tear.

Rrrrrraaaaaooooooowwwww!

So Now What?

I just realized that the new Superman/Batman animated movie comes out on DVD tomorrow, along with Madonna's new Celebration album and DVD and realized, whoops, maybe I quit my job too soon. Well... I mean, it was so not worth the aggravation, but oh yeah, that's how you get money. And don't give me that Christmas is just around the corner nonsense. Like I'm going to wait to get these! It wouldn't be so bad, but we have that vacation coming up, so I really ought not to be spending money on non essentials, but we all know I'm going to anyway.

Also, aggravating is DC Universe Classics Wave 10 is hitting Walmart right now. So far, I haven't found them and luckily, I only want four of them, so yay that's $60 versus $95. But, I mean... it's still $60. I went hunting for them last week and didn't find them, but I did find the large Gotham City 5-Pack for $55. The problem was, I only wanted the Lex Luthor figure that was included. I already have Batman and he's dressed in my favorite version of his costume (where his cape, cowl, boots and gloves are royal blue like on the Super Friends) and Superman. I don't have Catwoman, but this version was wearing a rather garish lavender catsuit, so I didn't really want her and I didn't want Two Face because I just don't really like him. So obviously, I couldn't justify paying $55 for just one action figure. But then again, I didn't have Catwoman and Two Face and even though I wasn't crazy about them, they'd still help fill out my collection. Oh! And I could put THIS Batman (with black cape, etc.) on my shelf with the other Bat-Characters and move THAT Batman over to my Justice League/Super Friends shelves and I could put this Superman with the other Super-Characters! So there was no waste at all!!! I could use all of these so I HAD to buy the set! I love my brain sometimes!

The vacation is complicating the job hunting process, because I watched Flipping Out and this guy they hired, on his first day, asked for a day off. To go see Buffett. Which, quick aside, if someone gave me a Buffett ticket, I'd go to my job and say, "Hey, can you please schedule me an extra shift on this day so I don't have to go to a Buffett concert? Thanks!" But anyway, so we leave on Oct. 7th, which is... holy crap, next week! So yeah, I don't want to apply for a job and then be like, "Oh p.s., I'm leaving for a week. That's cool, right?" Not only that, but we're going to Memphis the first week of November. Oh here's another aside. So David said he wanted to leave on Saturday, Halloween. I was like, "So we're gonna miss Halloween?" And he was like, "Oh, I thought it would be fun to spend Halloween night in Memphis." WHY THE F!@#$ WOULD IT BE FUN TO SPEND HALLOWEEN NIGHT IN MEMPHIS?! We don't know anything about the city nor any person living there! That makes no sense whatsoever! I don't even have plans yet, but I still want to be home to give out candy at the very least! Also, I SO FREAKING LOVE my costume idea! So someone invite me to a party.

So curse you, my jet-setting lifestyle! Also, it would probably help if I had SOME clue as to what I want to do. I can't get a real job with my awesome 12 year-old degree in Creative Writing which of course I never did anything with... well, except for this. Maybe I should print these out and attach them to my resume. "You see it's a play on words! Fantasy! Get it?!" I'd LIKE to go back to school, but don't know how financially prudent that would be. I could get a part-time at the same time, but do I really want to go back to being 21 again? I read Texts From Last Night and the answer is no. (Check out http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/ ... Hey! Hey! Finish reading this first!) I mean, I have a home life now. Do I really want to spend days in class and nights... doing whatever someone will give me money to do? (Seriously, I saw that Busken was hiring and considered it.)

I'm not really driven. I envy people who knew all along what they wanted to do with their lives. Well, I kinda knew, but didn't have the patience to stick with it. Hard work. Boo. Also, I started out at art school, but it was impossible to get into any classes! I went two years without being able to take Basic Drawing I because it filled up so quickly! But now it's like, even if I do get into a program I like, will I REALLY be able to compete with all the fresh-faced 21 year-olds who are so much hipper and more in touch with current fads and trends... I realized how behind I was, watching that Windows commercial where the 5 year-old girl creates a Power Point slide show and realized I was less savy than a 5 year-old! I don't know how to do anything except download songs and order clothes. And toys.

So maybe I should wait to get back from the trip (Chicago/Napa/San Fran) to start hunting. Or maybe I should apply now and hopefully do interviews when I get back. Now the question is... apply where? Oh well, not going to let it bother me now. And no matter how lost I am right now, it doesn't remotely compare to how fried, frustrated and stressed I was at work. (See, how I can't even use that place's name anymore?)
On to cheerier topics, the "real" vacation is California, which we've been planning for about four months now. We're stopping in Chicago for one night to see Kylie on her first (and probably only) U.S. Tour! Perez posted her set list, which looked like she had written it with her feet. People kept asking, "Why isn't she doing Can't Get You Out Of My Head?!" "Why isn't she doing Locomotion?!" I had to log on and translate her chicken scratch. There were a lot of abbreviations which people weren't able to decipher. (But seriously, how hard is it to figure out that "Devil" refers to "Better The Devil You Know?") Harder to figure out? L.A.F.S. I had to consult my iTunes library and figure out that it was "Love At First Sight." Oooo! Maybe I could get a job as one of Kylie's backup dancers! I just... need a whole new body. A rhythm. So, guess I should keep looking.

Let's Put The Fantasy Into Fantasy Football (Or, Why Is It Called Fantasy Football, When There Are No Dragons?)

I must confess, this isn't an original idea. Cathy and her co-workers came up with it in response to this one guy in the office who kept hounding everyone to partake in this "Fantasy Football" entity. I don't really know what it is. (NOT an invitation to enlighten me, thanks.) I barely know what football is. (See previous aside.) It basically sounds to me like some game where you don't actually play it. You pick players and they do all the work while you sit on your ass drinking Steel Reserve and sometimes there's money involved. Sounds like a blast. (I've been told sarcasm doesn't translate to the written word, in which case, that was sarcasm.) But, it could be fun if you really got to pick your true fantasy team. The one limitation I'm imposing is "No Deities."

So apparently, you need two Quarterbacks. I actually do know what a quarterback is. It's like, y'know, Cyclops in the X-Men. He's not the REAL leader (that would be Professor X), but in the field he calls the shots. So my two pick are:
1. King Arthur - Only the greatest leader in history. Or, y'know close to it. Plus, Excalibur can cut through anything!










2. Captain America - Only the greatest leader in comics! People would do anything this guy asked! Plus his shield can't be broken! Wait, could Excalibur cut it? I mean, it can cut anything, right? But the shield can't be... ugh, head hurting. NEXT!








Next, according to Google, you need three Running Backs. Not sure what that means, but I assume it involves running and if so, my first pick has to be...
1. The Flash - The Fastest Man Alive! Duh! Who else would you pick?








2. The Six Million Dollar Man and 3. The Bionic Woman - Plus, everytime they ran or did anything cool, you hear that awesome "neh-neh-neh-neh-neh-neh" bionic sound effect! (My no dieties rule made Mercury inelligible, darn it.)





Then it says you need three Wide Receivers and I'm certain that doesn't mean what I think it means. So I just picked people who could seriously kick ass.
1. Harry Potter - Provided he gets to use that Quiddich broomstick thingee.








2. Merlin - Powerful wizard. Sounds good to me.











3. Green Lantern - Methinks Wide Receiver somehow involves catching things, in which case Green Lantern could create a giant catcher's mitt. Like how I mixed my sports metaphores there while discussing a totally made up game? Little pat on the back to myself.








Next up, I need two tight ends, and just like Wide Receiver, I'm sure it doesn't mean what I think it does. In fact, in this case, I can't even speculate what that means. So, I'll just go with...
1. The Transporter - Because no one kicks ass like that guy! I wonder if he'd be able to use his car in the game. Since I'm making it up, I say "Sure!"

2. A Ninja - Those always come in handy. I know you might think, "What would I use a ninja for?" and the answer of course is "What wouldn't you use a ninja for?!" They're like Swiss Army knives. They come in handy when you least expect it!






I need one kicker and is there ANY choice other than...

1. Jean Claude Van Damme? The only other person who can lift their leg higher is that blonde Pussycat Doll who lifts her leg over her head in every single one of their music videos and live performances. But that's more stretching than kicking (sexy stretching), so I'm sticking with my original cocaine-fueled option.



Finally, we have Defensive Units. Do they really call them "Units?" Ew.
1. Invisible Woman - FORCE. FIELD. 'Nuff Said!










2. Wonder Woman - She'd bounce that football away with her magic bracelets. Actually, I don't think that's how the game is played, but I'm too far gone at this point to worry about that kind of nonsense.

Done and DONE! It's ON! Bring it! UGH!!!

Super Love

Most of you know the story of the time I got "Toy Punching Mad," but for newbies or for those that don't know the story, once many moons ago, when I still lived in Mobile, one Sunday, I went to Target to buy two new figures that were exclusively available at Target of Batman and Superman. I'd been waiting on these to come out and that day, they appeared in the Target circular in the newspaper (good ol' Mobile Press Register). So, excitedly, I went to Target with Richard only to find a barren shelf where Superman and Batman were SUPPOSED to be. Richard's idea of comfort was to say, "Maybe kids bought them" (as if that altered my circumstance of not having my Superman and Batman action figures), to which I replied "Fuck kids!" and punched a box of Legos. Long story short, to Richard, it appeared that I have "anger issues." I later shared this story with my therapist, who laughed and pointed out that I was not in a relationship, I didn't have strong ties to my family, I hated my job... basically, my reaction was perfectly normal, because super heroes and toys were all I really felt any passion for. So THERE!

See, here's the thing, and honestly I think Cathy is the only one on the same page as me on this, we're not like other people. We don't like the same stuff other people do. "Normal" people may think it's silly to still be buying toys for myself at 35. I think it's absolutely absurd to spend your entire Sunday watching football. I mean you do realize Target is open on Sundays, right people? How that doesn't get butts off couches, I will never understand.

And also, here's the deal, my EARLIEST MEMORY IN LIFE, is of watching "Super Friends." That is the FIRST thing in my life that registered enough for me to recall it this many years later. I remember it was the terrible first season with Wendy, Marvin and Wonder Dog. Of course, I didn't realize at the time that it was terrible. To me it was pure alchemy! The greatest idea that had ever existed and ever would exist. That one program inspired my entire life. I made my dad buy Super Friends comics and read them to me as bedtime stories! Because seriously, Wonder Woman can SO kick Snow White's ass, let's not kid ourselves. I even remember my very first comic, Super Friends #25!

Oh man, that cover (by the amazing, but underrated Ramona Fradon) was SO dramatic to me at age... I dunno, 4? This super villain (The Overlord, who existed only in the pages of the SF comic) was making the Super Friends fight EACH OTHER?! How dastardly! And WHAT happened to Jayna?! Why was she lying broken on the floor? (Kinda like Natalie Imbruglia only 25 years earlier!) Was she DEAD?! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Oh man, how could I NOT find out what happened in those glorious pages, even though I couldn't read yet?! (Turns out they never actually fight each other in the comic. They turn evil and fight other characters. Mild false-advertising.)

And it never stopped. I'm still reading comics all these years later. I sitting here blogging about it 31 years later. It led to my interest in art and story-telling. Wonder Woman alone helped me ace ever test I ever had on Mythology. Also, at that age, I thought Batman and Robin were married... and that Robin was the wife because Batman always drove. So, draw whatever conclusions you want there.

Also, and hate to get melancholy but, I believe life is a series of losing people. Not just in a death sense, although that is a valid part of it, but just... y'know people move on. Some people you get in a fight with and never speak to again. Others, you just kind of drift apart. People move away. People start dating someone, and you never see them again. People get wrapped up in work. But... Superman got married and I still see him all the time. Wonder Woman never started seeing someone and stopped speaking to me for six months, only to call after she'd been dumped six months later. I might not have agreed with Aquaman's decision to grow his hair long and grow a beard, but hey! We're back on speaking terms now. See what I mean?

And on a lighter note, I think the main reason I moved to Cincinnati, is because The Hall of Justice... I mean Union Terminal (the real-life inspiration for the animated HoJ) is located here.

So, yesterday, I got "Toy Punching Mad" again. I've been collection the DC Universe Classics action figures. The problem with this line is that it isn't based on a cartoon or movie, and in today's market, a line that is strictly based on comics, which most children don't read, doesn't exactly appeal to buyers for major retailers. The first wave was distributed widely, but the characters in that wave were pretty obscure, so they didn't

sell well. Heck, even I only bought Batman to begin with. So retailers weren't picking up the rest of the waves. I got lucky and found Wave 2, featuring Aquaman, at Kroger of all places! I think the same thing happened with Wave 3, featuring Green Lantern.

I then realized that I could quit looking in stores entirely and order full cases through the Internet, so starting with Wave 4, featuring Wonder Woman, that's exactly what I did.

So anyway, word hit the web a few weeks ago that Wave 9 was starting to hit stores. So I waited. And waited. And waited. Dammit, I needed Green Arrow and Black Canary! The rest, mmmm, sure, I'll take 'em. But those two I NEEDED!

So, then I get an email from my vendor that Mattel grossly under-produced this wave and my vendor and most retailers would only receive 25% of their orders. So... basically, I'm not getting my toys and became... you guessed it, "Toy Punching Mad!" Only this time, it was more like "Mouse Throwing Through Computer Monitor Mad." Well, not really, otherwise, I wouldn't be able to delight you with this little anectdote. If only I got this fired up over, y'know, real world problems. I could've been President by now! So now, my only alternative, was to buy them from someone else at a disgusting mark up. So I paid $50 for these two, when, had I gotten the full case, it would have only cost me about $100 for seven figures! Now I may not even get the rest, because I have seen nary a sign of them and I go to Target at least once a week. If they haven't shown up by now, looks like they won't ever. Toy. Punching. Mad.

Form of a Puke Bucket!

(I like how this picture seems to indicate that medical care hasn't evolved at all since The Little Rascals.)

I got completely sick yesterday. This has never happened... I mean, I've been sick, but not like this. Usually, if I get the flu, I know it's coming because I get all achy in my muscles and joints, and this can last for days before I get full-blown sick. The good thing about that is it gives me enough warning to start guzzling flu medicine the way I do booze and often I can prevent myself from getting full-on sick.

This time it was different, because I was completely fine in the morning. Well, I was tired because I was awakened at like 7 a.m. by this ridiculous cacophony of... birds, I guess, but not the sweet chirpy kind, these were loud, squawking jungle-dwellers. In fact, I'm not even sure all of them were birds. Common sense tells me we don't have lemurs in the neighborhood, but do I trust common sense or my hearing? Because, I swear, I heard lemurs. Nothing with feathers sounds like that. This was just a long paragraph summarizing that I was tired going to work yesterday.

So I was tired, but functional at work. Then as things were dying down, I drank a glass of water and immediately threw it back up. And then it hit me. I swear, I have never gotten taken down by illness so swiftly and suddenly! I puked a good bit in at least three different trash cans. I can't even describe the feeling overcoming me other than... sick. I could barely stand. I could barely SIT! My co-workers, understandably, told me to get the hell out of there and they'd finish all my work for me. I didn't even make it all the way home before I started ralphing again. I didn't even come to a complete stop before I started ralphing again. Ugh. That was unpleasant.

By the time I collapsed in my bed, I was having those... you know when you're sick and suddenly your body is burning up, then suddenly you're freezing and shivering and then, just for variety, you feel both at the same time? That. I had the worst headache, possibly, of my whole life. It was like a migraine stretching from temple to temple across my forehead AND across the top of my head. It was like a double cheeseburger, except in the form of excruciating pain.

Had I not been in such pain, I'd have found this next part funny. I attempted to take some Tylenol PM to diminish the pain and to hopefully put me to sleep. I kept throwing it back up, but I think enough got into my system to help a little bit. Except EVERY time I started to drift off, like the phone would ring (junk calls of course), or Dylan would open the garage door, then close the garage door, then open it again... I have no idea what he was doing, and then finally... David's alarm clock went off!!! At SIX PM!!! What the hell?! It was like the universe was having a slow day and needed a laugh.

Anyway, eventually I DID get a small nap in and the suffering started tapering off, so obviously, it wasn't Swine Flu. I was able to eat a little soup that night. Today, I feel mostly better, but I'm still not at 100%. I went to run a few errands and realized I really wasn't strong enough for that yet. I tried eating Chick-Fil-A, but my throat was so raw from the upchucking, I couldn't handle it and stopped. Hopefully, I'll be back to full strength soon!

I inhale music the way most people inhale oxygen. I swear, I download at least twenty new songs a week. I'm not saying it's all good. (Why can't I say no to you, Miley?!) But I kinda do have good taste in music. What's weird is that at one point, I was as mainstream and poppy as they came and as time goes on, I find myself drifting further and further from that. (Well... y'know except for Miley. And The Jonas Brothers. And Selena Gomez. Okay, stopping.) Isn't it supposed to work in reverse? Like, when you're a teenager, aren't you supposed to be all hip and cutting edge and then when you're thirtyfive, should you be listening to like Maroon 5? It's cool, though, because now with iTunes, you can just buy like one song by an artist and get a nice sampling of all kinds of different new music. I swear, I don't even give my music a chance to get old. Like I said, at least twenty new songs a week. I can't imagine how much I'd be spending if I still had to buy CDs. Or maybe I'd just go without. Maybe.

It's kinda cool to discover new artists, but it kinda sucks when you hear a new artist and fall in love with them only to realize they aren't new at all! They've been around for years, and I just never heard of them only to now realize they have like five albums. What am I supposed to do then? Generally, I pick like their most popular songs and download those, but what if I like them ALL?! Three examples...
Plushgun. Quirky, indie pop, awesome. I have two of their songs now. "Just Impolite" (which I think I saw on NewNowNext on Logo... which by the way, set your Tivos! Best source of new, cool, music around! Sometimes. Some weeks, I'll buy almost every song they show. Others, none.) I also got their second single "Let Me Kiss You Now (And I'll Fade Away)." I kinda like how the one guy looks kind of like Seth Rogan. Anyway, just delightful, catchy indie pop. Two thumbs up!










I think Owl City's song "Fireflies" was the free song on iTunes a few weeks ago, but since then, it also has been on NewNowNext. The first time I heard it, I thought "Is Ben Gibbard in ANOTHER band?" It sounds exactly like The Postal Service! But, no, this is another guy who just happens to sound exactly like Ben Gibbard. And, yet again, they appear to have been around for a while now, and have several releases on iTunes. What to do what to do.





And... Levi Kreis. He's my favorite. Um, okay, yes he's hot. Let's just get that out of the way. BUT, I LOVE his music! He has one old album called "One of the Ones" which I think is all him just singing and playing piano. No other musicians. "I Should Go" is one of the most gorgeous songs I have ever heard. Also, check out "Hardly The Hero." He has a newer album, "Where I Belong" which has a more full-band sound. He reminds me of Jason Mraz. That whole singer-songwriter thing. He is amazing! I bought the whole "Where I Belong" album, but for whatever reason, iTunes won't let me "Complete My Album" for "One of the Ones." Hopefully, it will soon. I keep listening to the same five songs over and over. LOVE!

Here's another hot pic, just cuz! Don't say I never gave you anything!