Man, remember the Dancing Baby? I LOVED the Dancing Baby!But people took the original and set it to all kinds of songs like "California Love" and "Low Rider." They should still make them! It really never got old, at least to me. Also, remember how some people thought it really was a real baby? Probably the same people that think windmills are giant fans. Oh there really are people who think that.
The funniest thing is recalling how FREAKIN' long it took to download these stupid things! I mean, it took like 20 minutes to download a 90 second Dancing Baby clip! Or ANY clip for that matter and then once you downloaded it, it was like two inches by one and a half inches! Can you imagine trying to d.l. a movie back then? It would literally take DAYS! And then it would be smaller than the screen on my iPod (I have the Classic, not one of those new fancy pants Touches. I can't be limited to 64 Gigs! Are you nuts? That wouldn't even contain all my Kylie Minogue songs!)
Then came Napster. First of all, download speeds had to have improved significantly by the time this occurred, because I know it didn't take that long to d.l. songs. Oh my god, I lost DAYS to Napster when I first encountered it. I'm not even exaggerating! I could not go to bed, because I'd just discovered the key to the world's largest music store, where every song EVER recorded was available... for FREE!!!!!!! Not just "real" songs, but every remix, every live performance, every EVERYTHING was free for the taking! My mind reels at the memory. I mean, it's a helluva lot easier to get stuff now than it used to be (Oh you mean to get the one song I want, I have to buy this entire worthless album for $20? Huh. How about you shove that up your ass, while I download it for $1.29?) but even so, some stuff (like dance remixes) are still kind of hard to come by. Still... nothing compares to the free-for-all that was the original Napster! Too bad, I squandered a lot of it on like the dance remixes of Siquo's "Incomplete" or Ricky Martin's "She Bangs."Isn't it scary to think that so many young people today GREW UP with that? Like, they have no memory of life sans internet! Krazee! Like, they have no idea how to use an actual encyclopaedia. "What's an encyclopedia? Is it like Wikipedia?" "What's a record store? You mean, to get songs, you had to go to an actual place, specially devoted to music buying? To listen to a song, you had to have an actual physical object that you put in a specific player? HUH?!" Sadly, not too much of an exaggeration!
I can't wait until that microchip in the hand technology gets more common. Screw those paranoid Big Brother is Watching nuts. Um, you're telling me, I can pay for stuff just by waving my hand over a reader? DONE! Sign me up! What about people who are all, "I don't want the government to know where I am at all times!"? Um, exactly where are you, that you don't want the government to know about? What if you wind up lost in the wilderness with broken legs?! You'd be lovin' that government monitoring chip then! But then again, if you're in the wilderness, you deserve what you get. That's why I stay locked securely and comfortably in, y'know, buildings. Nature. Boo. Overrated.
Also, why do we only have moving sidewalks at the airport? Let's put those everywhere! But then again, once they invent jetpacks and hoverboards, I guess moving sidewalks will be obsolete. So, yeah, just jump to those two things. Make it so!
Can you imagine going back to the early dial-up days of the Internet? Oh god! It would be like living in caves and using sticks and rocks as implements! Luckily, zombie apocalypse notwithstanding, we'll never have to deal with that horrific scenario. Huzzah! I'm going to download some stuff I don't even want and delete it... just because I can! Suck it, Me From 15 Years Ago! Aw, sorry, here's that new b-side by that brand new artist, Britney Spears, you've been looking for. Oh, and see how cute and wholesome she seems? Wait'll you hear what happens to her next...
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