I'd Have Prefered Getting Donkey Punched

Every single frame of Sucker Punch is gorgeous! The sets, costumes, makeup, art direction, everything are amazingly executed! It's sooooo well-done... yet it's without a doubt, the worst movie I have ever seen in my life. And this is ME we're talking about. I built a whole week around Mega-Python Vs. Gateroid! There are plenty of movies that are poorly made, have atrocious scripts, bad acting... this isn't one of those. Everything about it was great and yet... FAIL!!! Just FAIL!!! Utterly! I wish it were alive so I could kill it, it was that bad! I'm considering bodily harm to Zack Snyder, it was that bad!

I think what kills it, is the level of pretension here. It would be one thing if this were a Transformers movie or something, where clearly it's being crapped out to be commercial and in cases you think "God, did they sit around and brainstorm ways to make this stupider?" No. There's clear evidence that they sat around trying to think up how smart they could be and, uh failed. Like they'd do a dream sequence set to a techofied version of "White Rabbit" and you expected Mr. Snyder to pop up onscreen, wink and go "GET IT?!" and shoot you a thumbs up!

I could even have dealt with it a little better if maybe it was clearly JUST supposed to be pretty, which it is. Most of the time, pretty movies (ahem Avatar, Tron...)... well, that's all they are. No one bothers writing a coherent script. I've bitched about that before, but there's something to be said for "Fuck it, let's just make this pretty!" But Sucker Punch isn't that, you can tell. It's trying to be all like deep and philosophical and symbolic and stuff. But it's so inept in its execution, it became a chore to watch. I think we were all writhing in our seats the last hour, because it just KEPT getting WORSE! And it didn't even end with the movie! The end title sequence is the WORST, MOST RIDICULOUS, MOST INSULTING PART!

I feel raped in the eye sockets. I wish I could get some brain cleaner to scrub the memory from my mind. Fuckin' terrible.