Random McRandomness

It's a tad too little too late, but I CANNOT believe what little bitches people were being about the Olympics! First that snowboarder got in trouble for his "racy" photos.Then the Canadian Women's Hockey team got in trouble for partying too hard.(Women's Hockey? That's a real thing?!) Big deal! They're OLYMPIC MEDALISTS! They bust their asses, maintaining these GRUELING training schedules, year-round for this dog and pony show for everyone's entertainment and for their countries' glory! And they're kids! Remember YOUR twenties?! Jesus, I'm STILL hungover from mine! And you call those pics racy? You see worse on EVERY VH1 reality show! (Plus, if I had abs like that, I'd show you RACY! He shouldn't even be allowed to WEAR a shirt!) People are so hypocritical and puritanical! How SHOULD they celebrate? With a prayer meeting? Geez, line up the coke and whores on ME if that's what they want! They deserve it!

And in terrible music news, another Pussy has left the Cat House.(Classy.) Um, so like are there any left? How many were there to start with? And, where do you even go from there? It would be like if Chris, Joey and Lance from *NSYNC had tried to go it alone without JC and Justin. It's would be like *NSY*. (Does anyone get that?)

Gossip Girl Leighton Meester has decided to put her music "career" on hold.
Yeah, I can see how that 1 1/2 singles could REALLY take it out of you. You deserve a break, Leighton! All that shimmying and pointing... it's right up their with Madonna and her 12,000 stops on this last tour.

You'd think she only did it to fool around with Robin Thicke in the video... which if that's the case, someone get me a producer RIGHT! NOW!!!

And the worst singer ever, Kim Zolciak from the Real Housewives of Atlanta is now a LESBIAN! Gurrrrl, you better clip those press on nails, if you know what I mean! Publicity whore. Because that worked so well for Lindsay Lohan.



(Sorry it cuts off.) Keeyum is pioneering a new form of entertainment. (Ahem, "entertainment.") She's not lipsynching, she's really singing, but at the same time the recording is playing, so she's really singing along with it. Okay... that's what I do in my CAR! Can I have a hit song? Pass on the lesbian thing though, thanks, I'm good.

This last bit is just for Cathy, because we watched Fame the other night, which starred one of the kids from V Factory and I was saying how I saw a clip of them lipsynching and dancing on Wendy Williams and was like, "Aw, how cute that they think holding microphones is fooling anyone. Boys, we know you're not really singing. You don't have to pretend."



I love Wendy's intro, "Our next guests are very five cute guys..." Such a master of her craft. Also, if you're going to lipsynch, microphones are bad news. Remember this:


You don't want everyone to know your pussies are hanging out, do you, V Factory? Also, she doesn't seem at all concerned that her ASS is hanging out the whole time... by design! Besides, who cares if your pussy's hanging out? We all saw it that time you got outta that car, anyway! (P.S.-Remember when Britney was a GOOD dancer? Now she's treading in Leighton Meester territory!) Good thing she didn't have an Olympic Medal. They'd make her give it back! Zing!

Toysplotation

Plaid Stallions, one of my absolute favorite blogs, ran this yesterday: http://www.plaidstallions.com/shindana/1976.html. It's about a toy company I previously knew nothing about called Shindana, that specialized in toys for the African American market. According to this story, they were the first company to make African American dolls that accurately reflected ethnic facial features, rather than simply recasting existing Caucasian dolls in brown plastic. Unknowingly, I did purchase one of their products in the past, a "doll" (it was more like a pillow, honestly) based on 70s comedian Flip Wilson, which depicted Flip on one side and his alter ego Geraldine on the other.Jesus, what is it about black comedians and drag?! Also, that looks TOTALLY like Loni Love! P.S. I heard on like Access Hollywood or something along those lines, that Tyler Perry will be presenting at the Academy Awards and my immediate reaction was, "Wonder what his gown will look like." Also, Tyler Perry really ought to be the host of RuPaul's Drag Race. Medea is WAY more successful than RuPaul who had one hit on the Club charts back in 1993!
Okay, so I don't really know who Flip Wilson OR Geraldine is. It was a present for Richard. Apparently, he had one as a kid and talked about it all the time. It originally talked, but I think most talking dolls from the 60s and 70s no longer function. Something about the plastic they used degraded over time. (Seriously, you get more useless information from this blog than one of those "random fact" books people keep in their bathrooms!)
They did, however make a doll based on J.J. Evans from Good Times and I remember the shit out of that show! ("Damn! DAMN! DAMN!")

STRONGEST! BLACK WOMAN!! EVER!!! (Screw J.J.! I want a Florida Evans doll!)

So anyway, I thought I'd share some of my reactions to the Shindana toy catalog from 1976. It's a damn shame this baby will grow up with Mo'Nique as her abusive mother and have two babies by her own father. (Topical!)I want the one in the belly tee! All baby girls should wear belly tees! Way awesomer than Raggedy Ann!Who wants to come over for Game Night? We're playing the great new board game, Feel The Soul! I can't imagine how that translates to a board game. Is the winner determined by whoever can make the white person next to them the most nervous? Do you win if they get up and cross to the other side of the game table? And, I shouldn't have to ask but I assume dancing is involved, right?So THAT'S how my Barbie got dismembered.

Ladies and gentlemen... the most BAD ASS TOY EVER!!!Holy shit! I need that RIGHT NOW!!! Apparently, they didn't want to pony up the cash for the rights to make an actual Shaft doll, so instead the COMPLETELY RIPPED IT OFF!!! Who's the black, hunk of plastic who's a sex machine to all the chicks? SLADE! Damn right. (In the parallel universe of AWESOME, that was the actual toy jingle.) HOWEVER, way to totally ruin the Bad Ass-itude with that ridiculous Baked Potato foil outfit! What the hell is that even supposed to be? Are those shoulder-length opera gloves?! UGH! Foul, Shindana! FOUL!!! Even so... I think I'm in love!

Hey! Remember Me?

I found this article stating that Jennifer Lopez and her record company, Sony, had "parted ways." (I.e. Get lost, bitch!) It claims that it was a "mutual decision." Uh huh. You may or may not be aware of this, but she's actually released two "come back" singles since last fall, "Fresh Out The Oven":


Followed by "Louboutins.":


(You lipsynch the shit outta that, gurrrl!) Okay, so first of all, J-Lo has been gone "from the block" for a long ass time. What was her last hit? One of those (numerous) collaborations with Ja Rule? (Coincidentally, probably also his last hit.) So, really, she and Sony needed to buckle down and really work to make this comeback a success, but "Fresh Out The Oven" is straight out the BORING and I had no idea what "Louboutins" even were or how to pronounce it... Oh trust me, I figured it out after she said it a trillion times in the song. Gah! That is one of the most annoying songs ever... and that includes "Thong Song!"

Okay now dig this, not just are these two singles pretty weak, she (or they) didn't release them as being BY "Jennifer Lopez" or even "J-Lo!" They were released by... "LoLa!" LoLa?! You already had one nickname! And nicknames are fine (e.g. Mimi, Sasha Fierce... also am I the only one who can only say "Sasha Fierce" in a whisper?) but you DON'T GIVE THEM CREDIT ON YOUR COMEBACK SINGLE!!! Seriously, THIS is the artwork:
Strike two: It's a closeup of her LIPS! Girl, you're one of the most gorgeous and famous women in the world! Put your WHOLE face on that! Or better yet, that AZZ!

Anyway, I can't hate on Jenny too hard. After all, we share a common "greatest hit." (Waiting for tonight... oh oooh oh!) The article also mentions: “Sony Music execs aren’t sure who her audience is anymore. Where once she had little girls, she’s been supplanted by Beyonce, Lady Gaga, and Rihanna.” Look asshole, just because I play with dolls and like cute boys doesn't give you the right... Oh, you were talking about real little girls? Nurhmind.

It got me thinking, though, why do pop stars just fall off? Is there really only so much room in our collective consciences to like so much pop music and do we really only care about the latest and greatest? I really wondered that with Janet Jackson. Once upon a time, she was second only to Madonna as the biggest pop star in the world. Now it's like nothing she does manages to generate ANY attention. Her last few albums and singles have all tanked. And a lot of them aren't bad! Check out her most recent, "Make Me":

See? Not bad! Maybe it sounded too much like her old stuff? My friend Tee thinks people still haven't forgiven her for flashing her tittay at the Super Bowl, but I mean... if he hadn't brought that up, I'd have forgotten all about it, and I can't imagine America with its short attention span still holds a grudge over that. Besides, don't act like you don't like looking at tittayz! There's a Hooters down the street from my house, right by a Buffalo Wild Wings and Buffalo Wings & Rings and Hooters doesn't hold a buffalo candle to either one of those, so there's some reason people still go there! (Two, actually.)

And it's not just long-time artists. Britney's "comeback" two years ago mirrored Madonna's recent successes. One comeback single ("Womanizer"), followed by another hit ("Circus") followed by flop, flop, flop. Shakira's latest album almost didn't get released. (Maybe the public got over its acceptance of yodeling on pop songs.) Timbaland has released FOUR singles in the past couple months, none of which has done squat, so they keep pushing his next album back as well. And in the past month(ish) they've fired three Pussycat Dolls!

Okay, quick aside, have you seen that shitwreck "We Are The World" remake? Oh my gawd, so damn bad! HOW the hell did that lead Pussycat get such a big part! (Guess Lionel Ritchie likes Billie Joes.) But I mean, we all know how MJ felt about pussy... cats. Justin Bieber kicking things off makes sense (OH YES I DID!!!), but not Pussy #1. I imagine MJ's ghost popping up shrieking in that high-pitched voice, "What the hell ya'll doing? Get my dead ass out of this mess!"

And I wanted to mention something else. A couple years ago, I went APE SHIT over Mika. (Most of you will certainly recall this, as I started every conversation for like six months with, "Did you buy the Mika album YET?!") I mean I was over the moon for that album. He put out a new album a few months ago and... I mean, I totally bought it and listened to it. Every time he puts out a new single, I put it in my "Current" iMix, but... it's just not doing it for me, for whatever reason. Maybe I was so enchanted by Mika because he was NEW, but now, not only isn't he, but his sound has been... er, homaged by others, like Sliimy. I can't explain it. I mean, it's not like I don't still love Mika, but I'm just not jumping up and down like I was before. So maybe we all just DO move on constantly to the newest and shiniest thing to come along. Or like, in the case of Ke$ha, newest and filthiest. "Got any druuuuuuugs?" PS, shoes with no socks, equals STANK feet. But then, who'd notice over the other assorted reek that I assume she exudes? (This is progress?)

Cute Overrides Evil

I don't know if I'd call it a pet peeve exactly, but why am I the only one who recalls that Tinker Bell is actually kind of a villain? I mean, there's all this merchandising and she's this beloved icon, starring in her own line of movies (and dolls, and costumes, and makeup, and clothing, and...) and I saw part of the first movie and THAT'S NOT THE SAME CHARACTER! She's all sweet and hard-working and loyal... in Peter Pan, she was a rotten mean little bitch, who tried to get the Lost Boys to shoot Wendy out of the sky with arrows and teamed up with Captain Hook, which almost got Peter poisoned!

Not that Peter was without his faults. He was one of my favorites growing up, but I think that was just because he was basically the only Disney boy (not counting those lame-ass princes)... keep in mind, this was before Aladdin and Hercules and the rest. Now when I watch, he's like this gleefully ignorant brat. Sigh. Rose colored glasses.

Also, I was so annoyed when I was IN Peter Pan when I was a kid and found out that in the play, Tinker Bell wasn't an actual character, just a little beam of light who "spoke" via jingling bells. Now don't ask me how I thought an actual performer was supposed to be like six inches tall and flit around the stage, but I guess I did. Also, am I the only one who hates seeing Peter Pan as a play and him being played by old women? Not just him, I think Michael and John were also women in the most recent version I saw. I can suspend disbelief a certain extent, but for whatever reason, that's a sticking point for me. You wouldn't put on Annie with grown MEN playing the orphans would you? (Oh, that would be AWESOME!)
But I mean, I guess everyone can be forgiven, since Tinker Bell was rumored to be Walt Disney's favorite creation.... well, you know what I mean. This version of her. He spent more time and money developing her appearance than any other character. Urban legend has it, Marilyn Monroe was an inspiration, but I think that's just a rumor. And she is cute as all hell! So money and time well-spent. He used her as the mascot to his TV series, The Wonderful World of Disney, which I remember watching every Sunday evening as a child. It's one of those bitter-sweet memories-- I enjoyed the show, but knew that Sunday night was the most depressing night of the week, because it meant the weekend was over.

Like I said, she's now a headliner in her own right, starring in a series of direct-to-DVD movies. In the latest, she adopts this UBER-KEWT autumn look:
Just as I collect black dolls, Cathy collects redheads, so I got her the doll of Tinker Bell's redhead friend Rosetta.

(L-R, Fawn, Silvermist, Tinker Bell, Iridessa and Rosetta.)

I think Rosetta and Silvermist are the most popular, because the doll I got Cathy was from a collection which ONLY included those three. They rolled out a new assortment after Christmas with all the characters, including Iridessa whom I snatched up. They're so cute! I was vaguely annoyed though that most of them are wearing pretty dresses, but Iridessa is wearing a pantsuit. Pantsuit=Frumpy, note to Hilary Rodham Clinton. AND the jacket part of the suit has a sunflower seed as a clasp. None of the other girls has an unsightly "decoration" on their outfit. Ah well... even though this assortment had Iridessa and the other less-popular character Fawn, they only had one apiece, whereas there were at least two of the more popular girls.

I only bought Iridessa and fairly quickly, the rest sold out, except one Rosetta that I think is still there today. So then, the other day, I went in to buy some 75% off Valentine's stuff and they'd restocked the Tinker Bell dolls. I'd always wanted to get Tink herself, but she'd sold out too quickly, so I grabbed her. (C'mon! She has an adorable leaf should wrap!) I'd also wanted Rosetta, because she's one of the cutest ones, so I grabbed her too. Then I grabbed Fawn, because she's so rare, so if I didn't get her then, I'd probably never be able to! (I think she's the requisite "tom boy," judging by her freckles, because freckles = tom boy, which may be why she isn't as popular.) That only left Silvermist, who isn't as cute as Rosetta or Tinkerbell or as rare as Fawn or Iridessa... but I didn't want to have an entire set except for one! I though, well, I could get her later. But what difference does it make if I spent $10 then or two days later? NONE!
So $40 later, I have a complete set of Tinker Bell dolls! Well, not complete-complete, just this assortment-complete. I'm not going back and buying the older ones. I collect enough junk, thanks! This was kind of just an impulse buy. Now if they come out with another assortment, which they will, we'll see if I take the bait then. (Let's start placing bets now.)
I haven't even opened them, and I may not. I used to think it was stupid to buy toys and not open them, but I can't really think of what enjoyment I might get from opening them. I'm not really going to play with them. I just bought them because they're pretty... it's exactly like buying art, people! By keeping them in their packages, it retains their perfection... no matter how well you take care of collectibles, they still get a little bit of wear and tear just being out. In the case of action figures or statues or other "hard" items, it isn't that bad, but with dolls... their hair can get all messed up, and dust gets into their hair and the fibers of their clothing... and once dolls hair gets jacked, the doll is just over! It's better not to expose them to that. Trust me, I've lost PLENTY of dolls due to such unfortunate events. In fact, I had a WHOLE bunch in an open plastic container, and David was doing some hardware-y thing down in the basement and next thing I knew, I had a box full of RUINED, SAWDUST-COVERED GARBAGE! Some I replaced, but others, I just threw out, which I hated doing because a lot of them had been presents, but I'd kind of already gotten all the fun I was going to get out of them and didn't want to pay eBay prices to replace them, with that being the case.

The only dust I want to deal with is Pixie Dust. This way, my pixies stay pristine and sawdust (and regular dust)-free. So, yeah, I guess even though Tinker Bell is a villain, she's an adorable one, so no hard feelings! Besides, the evil villainess is my favorite character on a lot of shows! So welcome to the evil pack, Tink!

Bad Girls... toot toot! Beep beep!