Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Tune In Tuesday 08-31-10

There's not much going on in the world of entertainment at the moment, so I'm just going to offer some thoughts on Glee (again) in preparation for the new season.First of all, did you hear that Naya Rivera and Mark Salling were dating in real life and then he cheated on her, so she retaliated by vandalizing his car?
She didn't damage it. She and her pals just covered it in dog food and shaving cream and stuff and allegedly they filmed it! Guess he's lucky she didn't... Bust the Windows! Wah wah!
Congrats to NPH on his Emmy for Best Male Guest Star. I loved his performance as Bryan Ryan, however, I must point out that he was up against Mike O'Malley as Burt Hummel.
I mean, his performance gives me chills! It was so amazing! I guess what may have counted against him is that Glee is classified as a comedy and his performance was dramatic, whereas NPH's was hilarious. Even so, Mr. O'Malley, KUDOS times a ZILLION! You're tops in my book!

Onto the show itself, I don't want to be one of those people who complain about something without having seen it, but I think we're all in agreement that the back nine of Season One was inferior to the first thirteen. The producers were "bragging" (I'm not sure that's the right word) that the back nine would have more songs. I don't think the show needed more songs. I didn't find the first episodes lacking in songs and I think the show works better when it's a "drama about a glee club" and not and outright musical with people singing and dancing in the hallways in fantasy numbers. The show definitely doesn't need more songs in place of plot and character development. I doubt they can shoehorn in any MORE songs next season, but here's hoping that the songs they choose are actually worth listening to.

Perez was excited that Jonathan Groff was coming back as Jesse St. James for three episodes. I'M NOT!!! Eff off, Bitchface!

It's been revealed that the Britney Spears episode will actually feature an appearance by Britney... unfortunately, she'll be dueting with Brittany on the worst song possibly of all time, "Me Against The Music." Okay, not of all time. But damn, damn, DAMN horrible!!! That song SUCKS SO BAD!!! Of all her songs... that one is actually WORSE than "I Love Rock & Roll." Like... Satan had to have been involved somehow, it's THAT bad! I'd rather listen to a collaboration by ALL the Real Housewives on one song, than "Me Against The Music!"

While on the subject, here's hoping there are no more tribute episodes featuring individual artists. It's one thing when it's Madonna, but Britney Spears is no Madonna! I'm glad the hyped "Lady Gaga episode" didn't only have LG songs in it. And a lot of the rumored artists in the running are not ones I care for, so... we'll see.

Anyway... there have long been rumors of Lea Michele's diva-ish ways, but everyone keep denying them. Most recently she was allegedly overheard at the post-Emmy party saying, "God, I need bodyguards!"
Screw her! Screw Rachel Berry! I couldn't care less that she's even on the show! I halfway want to fastforward through all of her scenes! I'm glad Brittany and Santana are bumped up to full cast members this season, because hopefully that'll mean at least two episodes that AREN'T about Rachel! They could just kick her off the show and make it the Kurcedes Show featuring Artie and Tina (and Puck's Sexy Armpits). Why does Lea get so much attention?! I like Quinn better than Rachel... and don't give me any of that, "Well, she's supposed to be annoying," business. I find her annoying for reasons purely unintentional! Ugh.

I hope the show doesn't go down the toilet the second season. I mean, the reason I'm so critical is because I LOVED it so much in the beginning but little things started irritating me, so hopefully those things will be worked out. (Please don't pull a Heroes!)

Monday, August 30, 2010

MANic Monday 08-30-10 Football Edition

This is probably the first football themed blog since last year's Fantasy Football blog, which I can't top, so I won't even try. (It's like my "Thriller!") But anyway...

You ever have those times when a bunch of people are all talking at the same time, and you mutter something that you maybe don't want everyone to hear, but as soon as it escapes your mouth, everyone shuts up so everyone DOES hear it? This happened at work a couple weeks ago when the new Madden game came out and I was supposed to present it at Tune-In Tuesday (which, by the way, I dubbed my Tuesday blog way before I found out that Target used it as well... and now coincidentally, I do that job). See, each platform had a different picture on the cover, all featuring today's subject, Tim Tebow. The statement I made, just casually, more to myself than anyone else, is "He's hot." So now, at work, I'm like "The guy that thinks Tim Tebow is hot." Which... I mean, he is, but... sigh, what are you gonna do?
Yeah, I don't even care how old... or rather how young he is. Or that he's all Krazy Kristian or that he's a virgin. I don't even care what this "football you speak of" is. I'd do that every shade of filthy! It would be all, "In my ear? Aw hell, go for it!"A-Dor-A-Ble! And that baby could not be any less impressed!
Am I alone in thinking those stretchy undershirts are like the hottest thing ever invented?
Aw, come on... you get an endorsement deal with Jockey and this is all you give me? A tee shirt! Come one man!

Gla... blagh... ah... grblahh... sorry, I couldn't form words there for a second.
Whump! That one just knocked me onto the floor.
The End!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Throwback Thursday 08-26-10 90s R&B Dance Party

Blah! Taking a break from car browsing. And I thought electronics were boring to shop for! Let's dance!

California Love - 2Pac & Dr. Dre (One of the best video ever, by the way!)

Jade - Don't Walk Away

My Lovin' (Never Gonna Get It) - En Vogue

Here Comes The Hotstepper - Ini Kamoze

This Is How We Do It - Montell Jordan

Freak Like Me - Adina Howard

I'm Every Woman - Whitney Houston

No Scrubs - TLC

Finally - Cece Peniston

Now That We Found Love - Heavy D & The Boyz

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Wonder Wednesday 08-25-10 Ode to Comic Convention Sex Romps! (You Have Been Warned... Now Prepare For the Awesome!)

This isn't common knowledge, because even geeks don't discuss this openly, but you know Comic Book/Sci Fi/Fantasy/Horror/Star Wars/Star Trek Conventions? (Or you can sub "Renaissance Faires" for "Convention.") Those are fronts for one thing. Nerd sex parties. I'm not fucking joking. More banging goes on at one of these than an entire season of Extreme Makeover Home Edition.
These two are getting SO laid later!
And any whore that dresses as Slave Leia is basically saying, "You can stick it anywhere and bring seven of you friends. And tell the one to leave his Chewbacca mask on." Once again, NOT JOKING!

Topless Robot featured this music video... they didn't know if this was a real band or not, but either way, it RULEZ! It's by Le Sexoflex and it's called "Marriot Cock Squat (Dragon Con)!" Enjoy the shit out of this!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Tune-In Tuesday 08-24-10 Cussin' and Cotton Candy

Prelude: Sweet Jesus... they weren't kidding about Back-To-School. I am SO glad I'm off the next two days... especially since Anderson starts tomorrow and they don't get their school supply lists until the first day of school! (What kind of shizz is that?) Also, I will light a candle and say a... well, I'll think good thoughts for my poor retail brethren who are SCREWED if they have to work. Oh those poor souls! I hope they all survive! Also, I am so glad I got basically all my work for the week done yesterday, because there was no effen way I would have been able to have gotten to it today! I may go pass out in a few, but hopefully I can peck this out before then.

Onto fun stuff... well, kinda... This may be belaboring a moot point but...
...I'm banging my head against the proverbial wall, wondering what is wrong with people, that Scott Pilgrim Versus The World was such an epic bomb at the box-office. It has an 81% positive on Rotten Tomatoes! It's just so unfathomable that like EVERYBODY that sees it, doesn't just LIKE it, they LOVE it and yet even those endorsements aren't enough to motivate others to see it. I mean, what do you want? BLOOD?!

I'm kinda used to it. Remember, I was like the one guy that loved Speed Racer. But I know I was in the vast minority there, as most critics seemed to hate it as well. I guess I put a lot more value in a director's vision. Did the director have a clear vision and did they successfully execute it? In both the cases of Speed Racer and Scott Pilgrim, the answer is absolutely YES! Neither is supposed to be "real" they exist in fantastical wonderlands and their filmmakers SELL IT! They fully immerse the viewer in their alternate reality. (I also liked Alice In Wonderland, largely for the same reason. And likewise, that did just okay.) Hell, I'm the ONE human on this planet who had something (kinda) positive to say about Catwoman, and that was that "at least it wasn't like every other action movie out at the time." (It's true, but I'm not getting into all that. Maybe in a future installment.)

I already posted this on FB, but in case you missed it, here's an EXCELLENTLY written article about Scott Pilgrim's failure. It's really not too late. Check it out on the big screen, while you can! And now... the afore mentioned cussin'.

To pour salt on the wound... what was number one at the box office two weeks in a row?! THE EXPENDABLES!!! BITCH PLEASE!!! Mother Fuckers, are you FUCKING KIDDING ME?! When I first heard about this movie, you know what my reaction was? You know that feeling you got when SyFy announced that they were making a TV-movie starring Debbie Gibson and Tiffany? THAT!!! (Notice I said "you," because, obviously I felt DELIGHT, but in an IRONIC way! No one that saw The Expendables knows what "ironic" means!) There's a reason these idiots haven't made movies in 20 FUCKING years! (Not counting Bruce Willis... well, or Jet Li or Statham... but, Dolph Lungren, looking at you, Mr. Formerly-Grace-Jones'-Bitch!...) Fuck America, dammit! Fucking Walmart Nation!!! You know what, DON'T see Scott Pilgrim! It's too fucking GOOD for you!!! Check that at the door, idiots!

CENTER!!! Breeeeaaaaaathe... Onto happier thoughts, (whew!) I can't even express how much I LOVE Katy Perry's second album Teenage Dream!
Curse you, iTunes! They did this deal where you could pre-order the album and get a new song from it every week until the full release, which I did and LOVED every song, except the actual, physical CD is... wait for it... COTTON CANDY SCENTED!!! IF I'D KNOWN THAT, I'D HAVE WAITED!!! COTTON CANDY SCENTED!!! EVERYTHING SHOULD BE COTTON CANDY SCENTED!!! The whole world! The universe! If it were, there'd be no war or hatred or puppets! (Fuck puppets!) Hats off, science! You've finally discovered something of value to ME!

Oh it's just a PERFECT pop album! It's the follow-up to Love Angel Music Baby that Gwen Stefani should have made rather than the disappointing Great Escape. Speaking of... has anyone ever seen these two in a room together?
Hmmm. I almost want to call them the Betty and Veronica of pop, but the opposite, because Gwen is obviously the rich label-whore and Katy's still kinda the G.N.D. Someone whould make a movie where they play sisters! Like Snow White and Rose Red!
But, yeah, in the same way that Love Angel Music Baby was amazing in that it was more like a series of excellent singles, rather than the "album" which most artists put out, one or two good songs and loooootsa filler. Listening to either album is like listening to a GOOD pop radio station (I know, oxymoron) where every song is solid and yet very different than the one before it. If I had to sum it up in a single line, it's like a slumber party pillow fight in my ears!

See... now I'm happy again!

Monday, August 23, 2010

MANic Monday 08-23-10 Scott Caan

It was kinda love at first sight with Scott Caan. I mean, LOOK AT HIM!
Beefy, buff, ruggedly handsome, cocky... also frequently naked. The ONE enjoyable part of cheese-fest Varsity Blues. Well... that and trying to watch James Van Der Beekpretend to be tough. I wonder why no one gives this movie any crap? It's like Showgirls for Football!
Heh, this next one is from the infamous set of pics of him changing at the beach. It's the only one I can get away with showing!

You can definitely see the resemblance to his father, James Caan in these next few.

This mohawk fad needs to cease. If I see another six year-old rocking one, I may punch him in the face. Oh... don't test me! Parents be warned.

EDIT: Forgot to mention, he's starring in the updated Hawaii 5.0 this fall. I normally would have ZERO interest in it, but with him in it.... tempting.

MMmmm. Now... work. Boo!

Friday, August 20, 2010

WTFriday?! 08-20-10 Robo Bewbs! (You've Been Warned)

So picking up from yesterday, Tranzor Z, was put on the air to compete with Voltron, the latest hot toon on TV.
Like Voltron, Tranzor Z was imported from Japan, where it had originally aired as Mazinger Z. The show featured the adventures of teenage protagonist, Tommy Davis, who piloted a small craft which could land in the robo-skull of the giant Tranzor Z robot, becoming the robot's control center.
Tranzor Z fired lasers from his eyes and missiles from his elbows. He produced a more powerful beam from the V on his chest or removed it to throw like a boomerang. He also launched his forearms/fists (with or without a chain tether) as giant projectiles.
But the real hook for me was his female counterpart, a giant lady robot named, Aphrodite A, piloted by Tommy's cousin, Jessica. Jessica's father was the scientist who'd invented both robots. (Out of the rare metal Japanium, found only in Mt. Fuji... no really!)
A knucklehead named Bobo, who started out as the leader of a group of motorcycle punks but became Tommy's best friend, piloted the Bobo Bot, built out of scraps and garbage.
The villain on the show was named Dr. Hell in the Japanese original, but I don't think you can say "hell" on a cartoon in the US, so he was renamed Dr. Demon.
Here's where it starts to get freakay. Dr. Demon had two underlings, the disconcerting Count Decapito, whose head was... uh, not attached to his body.
Oh but wait... remember Zoltar/Bergu Kattse, the shemale villain I mentioned yesterday from Battle of the Planets? This tops that...
Dr. Demon's main assistant was Devleen... yup, half man/half woman... split right down the middle! Of course everyone's initial reaction is, so does it have half a penis and half a vagina? In the original Japanese series, the character is given an origin, which was never explained on the US show. In the original, a man and woman fell in forbidden love (how is a man and a woman "forbidden?), so they were mummified and buried. An accident destroyed half of each of their bodies. Dr. Hell found their remains, stitched the undamaged halves together and brought them back to life. On the Japanese series the character is named Baron Ashra.
Devleen spoke in a weird high-pitched, creaky voice. On the original, depending on which half was pointing at the camera, s/he spoke with either a female or male voice (provided by a couple that were married in real life... fun fact!) or if they were facing the camera head on, spoke in both voices at the same time. But the whole thing about speaking based on which half was facing the camera doesn't really make sense, because that's not necessarily the half that's facing the other characters they are talking to. Still, kind of a unique idea.
I have no effen idea what the hell is wrong with the Japanese. They are so effed up and twisted. I mean, this was a KID'S cartoon and they see nothing wrong with this? How does one even conjure up this idea? And why is it RECURRING from one cartoon to another?! "You know what Saturday morning cartoons need? More androgyny!"
Here's the fun part... Aphrodite A was built to perform more peaceful tasks, so she isn't as powerful as Tranzor Z. Her only offensive attacks are...TITTAY MISSILES!!!
Aw yeah! Rocket tits!!! Can you believe that?! I was STUNNED! I mean, in polite society, even at that age, I think we're all suppose to just go about pretending they don't exist. Like, "No, I'm totally looking right into your eyes, ma'am. Nothing of interest below that. La la la la..." This TOTALLY trumps Fembots shooting bullets from their bewbs! Aphrodite shoots the ENTIRE bewb!
What's really discomforting is that, remember this robot was built by a FATHER for his DAUGHTER! I mean, it makes total sense if it was Joe Simpson or Michael Lohan... or John Phillips. Why'd they stop there? Why not give her a rocket launching Vajayjay? Oh wait, that would be more appropriate on Tranzor Z. Nevermind. And, keep in mind, Tommy and Jessica were cousins. I don't think a male cousin needs to be constantly reminded of his female cousin's rack! Especially in the heat of battle. (And what a heated battle 'twould be with tittays a'flyin' all over!)
Um, why is this Aphrodite action figure/model on her knees? REALLY, JAPANESE?! REALLY?!?!
But AW MAN, would I love to have these two! Look, you can see the cockpit in Aphrodite's head! And, it looks as though them two breass-ess-ess can actually be fired! Yes, it's weird, but I kinda love it!
In the original series, Aphrodite was destroyed. (Nnnoooooooooooooooooo!) She is then replaced by a new robot, also piloted by Jessica (named Sayaka in the original), named Diana A.
As long as she still shoots her mammaries at foes, I'm content with the replacement. In the American version, the new robot shows up and the assumption is that she's just an upgrade, as they continue to refer to her as Aphrodite A.Oh come on, circus tent stripes? Like they needed more attention drawn to them!
That was the end of the saga in America, however, the series continued in Japan, being reinvented periodically. In a later series, a new lady robot and pilot are introduced.
Venus A, piloted by Jun Hono. Jun is an orphan, who is an outcast because she is half black!
WHAT? A sister in an anime! As if I weren't already all on board! But wait, there was a fourth female robot:
Minerva X, who unlike the previous three, doesn't have a pilot. Instead she is given an artificial intelligent personality, who is programed to be in love with Mazinger Z, causing friction with the other real females in the series.
Minerva, sadly does not have tittay missiles. (I want my money back!)
Her abilities are exactly the same as Mazinger's, so she just fires a powerful beam from the red flares on her chest. (They don't form a V on her, the way they do on Mazinger's.)Even though the lack of tittay missiles is a deal breaker for me, clearly Minerva X has her DIE HARD fans. Ahem.
Oh don't act so surprised. There are Furries after all. There were bound to be robot fetishist. Especially when you've put attack genitals on them! I mean not to advocate freakery, but they were kinda asking for it. As INSANE as all this is, I kind love me some giant robots, ESPECIALLY lady robots... if I had the funds, I'd start buying them now, but Japanese imports, especially high quality ones are EX-PEN-SIVE! But one day... I mean, now that I know about them, I kinda need at least one boobie missle firing ladybot in my collection, right? It's kind of a necessity at this point.
Mazinger/Tranzor Z only lasted one season in the US and never caught on the way Voltron did. I doubt there are many that even remember it. It did, however, take off in Spain, where it was a huge hit, so you can find lots of Mazinger stuff from there, including Spanish language dubs of the anime. And...
Well, hell... now I guess I have to go to Spain just to see this life-sized Mazinger! Talk about "If you build it, they will come!" Better get a passport.

(Yup, weirdest blog ever!)