Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Tune-In Tuesday 08-24-10 Cussin' and Cotton Candy

Prelude: Sweet Jesus... they weren't kidding about Back-To-School. I am SO glad I'm off the next two days... especially since Anderson starts tomorrow and they don't get their school supply lists until the first day of school! (What kind of shizz is that?) Also, I will light a candle and say a... well, I'll think good thoughts for my poor retail brethren who are SCREWED if they have to work. Oh those poor souls! I hope they all survive! Also, I am so glad I got basically all my work for the week done yesterday, because there was no effen way I would have been able to have gotten to it today! I may go pass out in a few, but hopefully I can peck this out before then.

Onto fun stuff... well, kinda... This may be belaboring a moot point but...
...I'm banging my head against the proverbial wall, wondering what is wrong with people, that Scott Pilgrim Versus The World was such an epic bomb at the box-office. It has an 81% positive on Rotten Tomatoes! It's just so unfathomable that like EVERYBODY that sees it, doesn't just LIKE it, they LOVE it and yet even those endorsements aren't enough to motivate others to see it. I mean, what do you want? BLOOD?!

I'm kinda used to it. Remember, I was like the one guy that loved Speed Racer. But I know I was in the vast minority there, as most critics seemed to hate it as well. I guess I put a lot more value in a director's vision. Did the director have a clear vision and did they successfully execute it? In both the cases of Speed Racer and Scott Pilgrim, the answer is absolutely YES! Neither is supposed to be "real" they exist in fantastical wonderlands and their filmmakers SELL IT! They fully immerse the viewer in their alternate reality. (I also liked Alice In Wonderland, largely for the same reason. And likewise, that did just okay.) Hell, I'm the ONE human on this planet who had something (kinda) positive to say about Catwoman, and that was that "at least it wasn't like every other action movie out at the time." (It's true, but I'm not getting into all that. Maybe in a future installment.)

I already posted this on FB, but in case you missed it, here's an EXCELLENTLY written article about Scott Pilgrim's failure. It's really not too late. Check it out on the big screen, while you can! And now... the afore mentioned cussin'.

To pour salt on the wound... what was number one at the box office two weeks in a row?! THE EXPENDABLES!!! BITCH PLEASE!!! Mother Fuckers, are you FUCKING KIDDING ME?! When I first heard about this movie, you know what my reaction was? You know that feeling you got when SyFy announced that they were making a TV-movie starring Debbie Gibson and Tiffany? THAT!!! (Notice I said "you," because, obviously I felt DELIGHT, but in an IRONIC way! No one that saw The Expendables knows what "ironic" means!) There's a reason these idiots haven't made movies in 20 FUCKING years! (Not counting Bruce Willis... well, or Jet Li or Statham... but, Dolph Lungren, looking at you, Mr. Formerly-Grace-Jones'-Bitch!...) Fuck America, dammit! Fucking Walmart Nation!!! You know what, DON'T see Scott Pilgrim! It's too fucking GOOD for you!!! Check that at the door, idiots!

CENTER!!! Breeeeaaaaaathe... Onto happier thoughts, (whew!) I can't even express how much I LOVE Katy Perry's second album Teenage Dream!
Curse you, iTunes! They did this deal where you could pre-order the album and get a new song from it every week until the full release, which I did and LOVED every song, except the actual, physical CD is... wait for it... COTTON CANDY SCENTED!!! IF I'D KNOWN THAT, I'D HAVE WAITED!!! COTTON CANDY SCENTED!!! EVERYTHING SHOULD BE COTTON CANDY SCENTED!!! The whole world! The universe! If it were, there'd be no war or hatred or puppets! (Fuck puppets!) Hats off, science! You've finally discovered something of value to ME!

Oh it's just a PERFECT pop album! It's the follow-up to Love Angel Music Baby that Gwen Stefani should have made rather than the disappointing Great Escape. Speaking of... has anyone ever seen these two in a room together?
Hmmm. I almost want to call them the Betty and Veronica of pop, but the opposite, because Gwen is obviously the rich label-whore and Katy's still kinda the G.N.D. Someone whould make a movie where they play sisters! Like Snow White and Rose Red!
But, yeah, in the same way that Love Angel Music Baby was amazing in that it was more like a series of excellent singles, rather than the "album" which most artists put out, one or two good songs and loooootsa filler. Listening to either album is like listening to a GOOD pop radio station (I know, oxymoron) where every song is solid and yet very different than the one before it. If I had to sum it up in a single line, it's like a slumber party pillow fight in my ears!

See... now I'm happy again!

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