Friday, August 20, 2010

WTFriday?! 08-20-10 Robo Bewbs! (You've Been Warned)

So picking up from yesterday, Tranzor Z, was put on the air to compete with Voltron, the latest hot toon on TV.
Like Voltron, Tranzor Z was imported from Japan, where it had originally aired as Mazinger Z. The show featured the adventures of teenage protagonist, Tommy Davis, who piloted a small craft which could land in the robo-skull of the giant Tranzor Z robot, becoming the robot's control center.
Tranzor Z fired lasers from his eyes and missiles from his elbows. He produced a more powerful beam from the V on his chest or removed it to throw like a boomerang. He also launched his forearms/fists (with or without a chain tether) as giant projectiles.
But the real hook for me was his female counterpart, a giant lady robot named, Aphrodite A, piloted by Tommy's cousin, Jessica. Jessica's father was the scientist who'd invented both robots. (Out of the rare metal Japanium, found only in Mt. Fuji... no really!)
A knucklehead named Bobo, who started out as the leader of a group of motorcycle punks but became Tommy's best friend, piloted the Bobo Bot, built out of scraps and garbage.
The villain on the show was named Dr. Hell in the Japanese original, but I don't think you can say "hell" on a cartoon in the US, so he was renamed Dr. Demon.
Here's where it starts to get freakay. Dr. Demon had two underlings, the disconcerting Count Decapito, whose head was... uh, not attached to his body.
Oh but wait... remember Zoltar/Bergu Kattse, the shemale villain I mentioned yesterday from Battle of the Planets? This tops that...
Dr. Demon's main assistant was Devleen... yup, half man/half woman... split right down the middle! Of course everyone's initial reaction is, so does it have half a penis and half a vagina? In the original Japanese series, the character is given an origin, which was never explained on the US show. In the original, a man and woman fell in forbidden love (how is a man and a woman "forbidden?), so they were mummified and buried. An accident destroyed half of each of their bodies. Dr. Hell found their remains, stitched the undamaged halves together and brought them back to life. On the Japanese series the character is named Baron Ashra.
Devleen spoke in a weird high-pitched, creaky voice. On the original, depending on which half was pointing at the camera, s/he spoke with either a female or male voice (provided by a couple that were married in real life... fun fact!) or if they were facing the camera head on, spoke in both voices at the same time. But the whole thing about speaking based on which half was facing the camera doesn't really make sense, because that's not necessarily the half that's facing the other characters they are talking to. Still, kind of a unique idea.
I have no effen idea what the hell is wrong with the Japanese. They are so effed up and twisted. I mean, this was a KID'S cartoon and they see nothing wrong with this? How does one even conjure up this idea? And why is it RECURRING from one cartoon to another?! "You know what Saturday morning cartoons need? More androgyny!"
Here's the fun part... Aphrodite A was built to perform more peaceful tasks, so she isn't as powerful as Tranzor Z. Her only offensive attacks are...TITTAY MISSILES!!!
Aw yeah! Rocket tits!!! Can you believe that?! I was STUNNED! I mean, in polite society, even at that age, I think we're all suppose to just go about pretending they don't exist. Like, "No, I'm totally looking right into your eyes, ma'am. Nothing of interest below that. La la la la..." This TOTALLY trumps Fembots shooting bullets from their bewbs! Aphrodite shoots the ENTIRE bewb!
What's really discomforting is that, remember this robot was built by a FATHER for his DAUGHTER! I mean, it makes total sense if it was Joe Simpson or Michael Lohan... or John Phillips. Why'd they stop there? Why not give her a rocket launching Vajayjay? Oh wait, that would be more appropriate on Tranzor Z. Nevermind. And, keep in mind, Tommy and Jessica were cousins. I don't think a male cousin needs to be constantly reminded of his female cousin's rack! Especially in the heat of battle. (And what a heated battle 'twould be with tittays a'flyin' all over!)
Um, why is this Aphrodite action figure/model on her knees? REALLY, JAPANESE?! REALLY?!?!
But AW MAN, would I love to have these two! Look, you can see the cockpit in Aphrodite's head! And, it looks as though them two breass-ess-ess can actually be fired! Yes, it's weird, but I kinda love it!
In the original series, Aphrodite was destroyed. (Nnnoooooooooooooooooo!) She is then replaced by a new robot, also piloted by Jessica (named Sayaka in the original), named Diana A.
As long as she still shoots her mammaries at foes, I'm content with the replacement. In the American version, the new robot shows up and the assumption is that she's just an upgrade, as they continue to refer to her as Aphrodite A.Oh come on, circus tent stripes? Like they needed more attention drawn to them!
That was the end of the saga in America, however, the series continued in Japan, being reinvented periodically. In a later series, a new lady robot and pilot are introduced.
Venus A, piloted by Jun Hono. Jun is an orphan, who is an outcast because she is half black!
WHAT? A sister in an anime! As if I weren't already all on board! But wait, there was a fourth female robot:
Minerva X, who unlike the previous three, doesn't have a pilot. Instead she is given an artificial intelligent personality, who is programed to be in love with Mazinger Z, causing friction with the other real females in the series.
Minerva, sadly does not have tittay missiles. (I want my money back!)
Her abilities are exactly the same as Mazinger's, so she just fires a powerful beam from the red flares on her chest. (They don't form a V on her, the way they do on Mazinger's.)Even though the lack of tittay missiles is a deal breaker for me, clearly Minerva X has her DIE HARD fans. Ahem.
Oh don't act so surprised. There are Furries after all. There were bound to be robot fetishist. Especially when you've put attack genitals on them! I mean not to advocate freakery, but they were kinda asking for it. As INSANE as all this is, I kind love me some giant robots, ESPECIALLY lady robots... if I had the funds, I'd start buying them now, but Japanese imports, especially high quality ones are EX-PEN-SIVE! But one day... I mean, now that I know about them, I kinda need at least one boobie missle firing ladybot in my collection, right? It's kind of a necessity at this point.
Mazinger/Tranzor Z only lasted one season in the US and never caught on the way Voltron did. I doubt there are many that even remember it. It did, however, take off in Spain, where it was a huge hit, so you can find lots of Mazinger stuff from there, including Spanish language dubs of the anime. And...
Well, hell... now I guess I have to go to Spain just to see this life-sized Mazinger! Talk about "If you build it, they will come!" Better get a passport.

(Yup, weirdest blog ever!)

No comments:

Post a Comment