Is it just me, or is there something wrong with the notion of Donald Duck eating turkey?
That Superboy has a way with words.
That's quite a breast... and look, there's a turkey.
Oh that Reggie! What a card!
Maybe you need to hire a new joke writer. Just sayin'.
KEWT!
First, in 1985, there was a He-Man and She-Ra float. I love how Pat Sajak has absolutely no idea what the hell he's talking about when he introduces it. Then they do the... I dunno, performance? It makes no sense. The actors just kinda run around and pretend to fight one another. Except Moss Man who is just chillin' until Hordak attacks him. It's kinda lousy, but was uber-amazing when I was a kid.
But wait! There's more! In 1986, they released the tragic live action He-Man movie and followed up with this float... actually, I think it's the same float, but with added "Look Kids, New Toys!" characters. Warning, the video quality is horrible... AND this year, they added narration by Dolph Lundgren, which, in case you were wondering, is ALWAYS a terrible idea.
In 1987, Marvel Comics... ahem, Marvel Entertainment got in on the act with this kinda kick ass float, starring it's heroes and villains. I love how obscure some of them are... I mean, it kicks off with Dr. Strange!
No, you didn't imagine that. That was, in fact, Robocop! Marvel, at that time, was producing a Robocop comic and cartoon series! It wasn't in Marvel continuity, but screw that! He popped up anyway! Alongside Power Man (Luke Cage), Emma Frost (The White Queen) and a high-kicking Enchantress! But notice who was missing? Spider-Man! Odd!
I guess Marvel took 1988 off, but they returned in 1989. Although, apparently, all the heroes lost their belts in the year in between. Seriously, Daredevil is wearing a straight up body stocking and nothing else! This time, they felt the need to to add disco to the mix and Melba Moore, wearing a far crazier outfit than any of the Marvel characters', sings "Holding Out For A Hero" as the characters tussle. Um, HELLO?! DAZZLER?!?! Missed opportunity! Seriously, I'm sure Vickie Sue Robinson wasn't doing anything that morning. Just sayin'!
Um... "Wonder Woman?!" What a fucktard! Wrong company, dipshit!
Ahhhh... good times.
Then a trifecta of sizzle featuring one Jake Gyllenhaal on EW (oh and Anne Hathaway was there too)...
This is the one I got and it's my favorite... so cute!
This is my second fave. SULTRY!
Least favorite of the three, but like... I mean... it's like bad sex... at least you had sex, right?! I will take shirtless Jake making whatever face he wants... as long as he isn't wearing those unfortunate biker shorts he was so fond of when he was BFFing Lance Armstrong. God, biker shorts even make Jake Gyllenhaal unattractive!
Aw. That's cute, now look back at ME!
Aw yeah! One of the best things about growing up in the 70s-80s was Underoos! Underwear That's Fun to Wear! (That was their slogan.) Designed to look like the costumes of kids' favorite heroes, kids could wear these underneath their normal clothes... just like real super heroes did!
Well... the GOOD Underoos looked like a super hero's costume. Unfortunately, The Hulk was hard to replicate as such, so his set were just lame white underwear with his picture on the shirt.
The same formula was used on characters like Fred Flintstone. What kid wanted Fred Flinstone over Spider-Man or Superman?
Also, Fred Flintstone's costume would have actually worked as a typical pair of Underoos. Just give him an orange spotted shirt with his frayed tie silk screened on it! But still... no one wanted Fred Flintstone. I'm guessing this style of Underoos kind of flopped. Here's a commercial devoted to just these styles. Like, c'mon kids pleeeeeeaaaaaassssse buy them!
I guess Aquaman just barely avoided this fate. He's one of the few heroes without a chest insignia, so I'm sure they were probably challenged in coming up with a look for his costume, but cleverly, they translated his scale motif and then, just for clarity, added an "A." I had these over and over! They were OBVIOUSLY my favorite, with Robin swinging in second.
Here's one that I can't embed, but it's the best. I love the girl spinning to switch her regular undies into Wonder Woman Underoos!
Another fun bonus, the packages had these great full body shots of the heroes, just right for the clipping out and making little paper dolls!
The girl super hero sets came in two styles. Wonder Woman, Spider-Woman and the I-didn't-know-this-existed Catwoman had tank tops.
While Batgirl and Supergirl had... I guess you call them bras.
I guess "women" wore tank tops and "girls" wore bra tops?
Also, as I discovered yesterday, they also released long underwear as well. I never saw these and didn't know they existed!
Their color schemes are the same, so maybe I got them confused.
And they did make Shazam!, whose costume is very similar to The Flash's.
During Underoos' time, pop culture shifted away from the licensing juggernaut of super heroes in the 70s to Star Wars and other live action properties. The first batch of Star Wars Underoos followed the same pattern of the heroes, by making them look like the garments worn by the characters in the movies.
I just loved Underoos, so I kept buying them, even after they made the switch from super heroes to these, but I wasn't very keen on it.
I'm not sure why C-3PO was for girls, but I gotta admit, they're kinda cute! I also don't get the line in the jingle, "C-3PO has lots of style." Isn't he technically naked? That commercial was pretty neat though. It must've been fun for the young actors, being on set with the real Star Wars characters!
Return of the Jedi Leia:
You mean, they didn't think a Slave Leia costume would be appropriate for a 2-4 year-old? Madness!
What 2-4 year-old was watching The A-Team?! One who needed to be taken away from their parents or guardians, that's who!
It was clearly harder for them to come up with ideas for girl Underoos. Here's Daisy Duke... but COME ON!!! Denim-print Daisy Duke-style panties?! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! I love them!
Ms. Pac Man? And Family? Fail. But the boys line had its share of stinkers. If you thought Fred Flintstone and Archie Andrews were bad...
GOD DAMMIT!!! Why did they stick the fucking Ewoks on EVERYTHING?!?! FUCK THE EWOKS!!! What BOY in their right mind would want this shit over Han Solo?!
Hell, I'd take the Dukes of Hazard over Wicket the Ewok!!!
Tonto. Yeah, sorry... Robin may be a sidekick, but he's still a SUPER hero! NO ONE wants to be Tonto! And that design on the shirt is about as half-assed as you can get! Even so... I'd take this over Wicket, E.T. or Pac Man.
But they're not QUITE the same. Superman doesn't wear his logo on his junk.
I wish someone would pick up this license again and make them old school... plus, I mean, yeah, I so want a grown up set of Aquaman Underoos. I'd buy like... all of them and that would be the only underwear I'd ever wear!
