Monday, January 11, 2010

Catablog: JC Penney Christmas 1976 - The Fashions

I started my toy catalog blogs for Christmas, and I'd hoped to do more, but time ran out. I think I may continue them anyway, because they are pretty funny. I also decided to expand to cover more than toys, because these fashions are INSANE! However, I'm going to limit these to about ten pages each, just to cut down on the length. So this blog, I will be focusing on the Lady's Department of the JC Penney 1976 catalog. Buckle up... oh wait, no one did that back in the '70s. More like, crack open a Pabst's Blue Ribbon, light up a doobie and crank up the Doobies. (The Brothers that is, "What a fool beliiiieeeeeeves...") (You can click on the pics for larger views.)
Huh. I didn't realize drapes came in one- or two-piece. Or that they were garments. That Carol Burnett "Went With The Wind" skit was REALLY popular, apparently.
Sylvia forgot to bring her nightie to the slumber party and thus, hoped that Brenda wouldn't realize she'd fashioned one from her great-grandmother's heirloom quilt. Also, why does the pocket on the red nightie say "Cycling?" What does cycling have to do with sleeping? I mean, you can't ride a bicycle in that thing. You have to be quite an enthusiast to emblazon your hobby on every garment you own. In fact, my socks right now read, "Macrame."
Sooooo... if you were wearing a blouse-bodysuit, does that mean that when you're in the office with them tucked into your skirt or trousers, that technically, you're wearing underwear as outerwear? Someone may need to say something to HR.
That hat is perfect for Coneheads to disguise themselves while one Earth. "I'm from France!"
"Look how many aminals I killed just to look THIS ridiculous!" exclaimed Sylvia. Something about the two women on top screams SPY to me, even though they are the least covert agents ever. Maybe if they were undercover in Q-Tippia.
Susan would later regret inviting her Country Mouse cousin, Shawni to visit when she walked in to find her riding her lover Bruce like a prized stallion at the county fair. She dabbed the tears from her eyes with the stunning plaid elbow patches on her impeccably coordinated pantsuit.
In pics 1 and 4, Susan had that whole hair blowing in the wind in front of a back light thing going on. Pics 2 and 3? Not so much. "Like this?" said 3. "No, silly!" 4 replied with a laugh, "Like this!" Also, 4's pouch looks like it was made strictly to contain magic powders and elixirs. "Hu-za!" 1 looks like the gal at the roller rink that all the other women HATE.
It's like a Rainbow Brite outfit for grownups!
If you stare long enough, you'll see a sailboat.
Tawny bought one shirt with twenty different colors in the print and a pair of pants in EVERY ONE OF THOSE COLORS, thus never had to worry about what to wear each day, leaving more time for Spin Art and Tab cola.
Sylvia, never one to suffer from lack of confidence, paraded into the after-work mixer at Shenanigan's in her bright yellow two-piece ensemble, and declared that she was "packed with Vitamin C" before downing twelve shots of Rumple Minze.

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