National Women's History Month Edition Part 1

Right on the heels of Black History Month in February, comes National Women's History Month in March. Is it me, or are February and March the two WORST months of the year? They're like the Antarctica of months! Also, will we eventually get months dedicated to every minority? I'm declaring May national Mixed Race Gay History Month. Along those lines, I got my first "What do you want for your birthday?" inquiry last night from David, but when I replied, "An iPad," that didn't seem to be the answer he was hoping for. He was probably assuming I'd ask for like a pot set or something HORRIBLE. Boo practical gifts! BOOOOOO!

OH! But quick aside: I've decided that I will no longer be listing myself as "Mixed Race" or "Biracial" or my favorite, "Other." I have decided that from now on, I will be known as a "Cocktail."

Cheers!

So anyway, in honor of Women's History Month, as with MLK's birthday, I will be writing some blogs to honor some of my favorite females. Unlike the MLK blogs, though, I won't be setting a specific number or doing any sort of countdown. And, as is usually the case, on April 1st, I will think, "Aw dammit! I forgot all about ______!" 'Tis always the case. I also thought this would be a good time to pay tribute to some of the characters that I personally love but maybe don't get the love from others, as I would see fit. And there is no one better to salute first than...Black Canary, a.k.a. Dinah Lance, is significant to me because I feel she has always been this close to being a big name like The Flash, Green Lantern and Green Arrow, but she always seems to just miss the boat. Next to Wonder Woman, she is the longest running solo female super hero, and yet she so rarely gets the glory. But as you will see, she has grazed greatness on numerous occasions.Debuting in 1947's Flash Comics#86, in the Johnny Thunder strip, Black Canary is initially thought to be a villain, only to later reveal that she was a hero working undercover. Very soon after, Johnny Thunder and his strip vanished from the pages of Flash Comics to be replaced by Black Canary!
Her early adventures are the very definition of formulaic. In every adventure, she winds up getting bonked on the head, to awaken, tied up or similarly imperiled. Whereas, Batman had a fully stocked utility belt from which to pull gizmos and gadgets, as you can see, Black Canary wore no belt, so instead, she concealed some sort of gimmick in the clasp of her choker. And wouldn't you know it?! She always managed to pack EXACTLY what she needed, be it a gas pellet or a small razor, in order to escape JUST THAT predicament! So maybe she was also psychic to some degree. In one early adventure, she is also shown to be able to communicate with birds, but she's never done it since, so let's just pretend that didn't happen. Otherwise, she didn't really possess any super powers, other than her quick wit and hand-to-hand fighting ability.
To pour salt on poor Johnny Thunder's wound, not only did she usurp his strip, she also replaced him as a member of comics' first super team, The Justice Society of America!When super heroes went out of vogue, Black Canary "retired" along with her cohorts, only to resurface alongside them when they were revived years later in the pages of the Justice League of America.She continued to make guest-appearances in JLA until 1969, when the creators of the Wonder Woman comic decided to revamp WW, removing her powers and star-spangled costume, making her a plain-clothes, kung-fu kicking spy, a la Emma Peel from the TV show The Avengers. Needing a token female in the Justice League, Black Canary came out of retirement and returned to crime fighting full time.She also suddenly developed an actual super power, her sonic Canary Cry, strong enough to smash through a brick wall! Soon after joining, she began dating Green Arrow, a liberal crusading hero. Embracing modern times, Black Canary became the epitome of a modern, liberated woman. She remained a steadfast part of the team, even after Wonder Woman returned to her super powered state and rejoined.

However, by the early 80s, people started wondering how it was that a heroine who'd debuted in 1947 still seemed so young and vivacious. In Justice League #219, it was revealed that the original Black Canary had retired and later died and that the heroine in the Justice League was actually her daughter.She continued appearing as a member of the Justice League and even starred in her own features from time to time. Her biggest break,came when she appeared as one half of the crime-fighting team the Birds of Prey, working with former Batgirl Barbara Gordon, as the computer ace Oracle.
The Birds of Prey series ran for years and is due to return in the coming months, following a break, during which time Black Canary co-headlined a book with her new husband, Green Arrow and served as the leader of the Justice League.Many "household names" in the world of comics, are such because they managed to appear outside of comic books in other media. Sadly, writer Darrell McNeil stated in one article, that he'd actually prepared a script for the second season of Super Friends which would have teamed Black Canary with Wonder Woman to rescue Lois Lane from a Ghost Ship, but the day before he submitted the script Hanna Barbera cut off submissions! So while Green Arrow and others made the ranks of that animated series, she did not.
However, all was not lost in the late 70s, as Hanna Barbera filmed a two-part live-action version of the Super Friends to air in prime time. Since Wonder Woman was already starring in her own hit TV series, her character was not available for these two shows. As she'd done almost a decade earlier in the comics, Black Canary once again replaced Wonder Woman in the JLA's ranks.Portrayed by an actress listed only as Danuta, this was my first ever exposure to Black Canary and I was captivated by the idea of a new hero I'd never heard of!
Her depiction was very close to the comics, she drove a motorcycle and possessed sonic powers. (She is shown smashing a wall with them in the opening credits.) However, they are altered on the show, as she simply yells really loudly. In one scene, she yells to inform the rest of the heroes of where to rendezvous to catch the super villains. The two-part series, entitled Legends of the Superheroes aired in January of 1979, and is vividly remembered by many adult fans today, despite never again airing. (Ahem, bootlegs, ahem.) In Florida, Sea World featured a water skiing Super Friends-inspired show, which featured not only Black Canary, but Aquaman's wife Mera! I never got to experience this... hell, I'd never even HEARD of it, until Plaid Stallions started amassing a gallery of pics from it!Sadly, that was it for Black Canary in other media for over a decade. The next live action depiction was... kinda on a live-action TV series loosely based on the Birds of Prey comic in 2002. Rachel Skarston played "Dinah." In a later episode, Dinah revealed that her mother had been the super heroine Black Canary, played by Aunt Becky, Lori Laughlin.However, this Black Canary's true name is Carolyn Lance. (In the comics, both mother and daughter are named Dinah.) On this series, the original Black Canary had sonic powers and the younger Dinah possessed some strange psychic ability and never went by a code name. The show only lasted one season.Roughly around the same time, the producers of the Justice League animated series crafted an episode entitled "Legends" which was supposed to guest-star the original Justice Society of America. Unfortunately, due to events in the script, DC Comics would not let the Society appear, so the producers altered the original heroes into alternate versions.
The original Black Canary became Black Siren instead, a very un-liberated heroine, which rankled the feathers of modern heroine Hawkgirl in the episode.Finally, Black Canary proper made her animated debut on Justice League Unlimited in 2004, voiced by Marina Baccarin.More recently, she appeared in the fan-favorite "Mayhem of the Music Meister" episode of Batman: The Brave & The Bold and recently returned in the episode "The Golden Age of Justice" where once again it is explained that she is the daughter of the original Black Canary. (Once again, in a flashback scene, the original BC is shown to have the second's sonic powers.) Grey DeLisle voices Black Canary on this series.
And finally, a new live-action Black Canary appeared in a semi-regular role on Smallville, portrayed by Alaina Huffman.
Perhaps most significantly, Black Canary was immortalized in Mattel's recent line of Barbies dressed as the heroines of the DC Universe. This doll made headlines when ignorant parents protested this high-end collectible doll, thinking it was a child-aimed dominatrix doll. Parents who join parents' groups are stupid! Who buys a kid a $50 doll? If you do, you deserve it if she winds up working on a pole.
So, while she may not be a household name yet, she's come a long way... and it's long overdue, in my opinion!

Disco Wanda: Because I Need More Stuff To Collect

After discovering the existence of Shindana Toys last week, I've been doing some research. (If only cancer were an obscure toy line, I'd have cured that by now.) I was surprised to discover that I had, in fact, owned a Shindana product as a child, the Michael Jackson doll:
I even owned the outfit he's wearing in the photo on the box, the yellow sweater vest/bow tie combo, called "Human Nature" (the same photo appeared on the 45 of that single).
I was stunned to find out that, along the lines of the Flip Wilson doll I mentioned, Shindana also produced a talking doll based on foul-mouthed comedian Redd Foxx! How the BEEP do you BEEP make a BEEP doll out of BEEP Redd BEEP Foxx?! That doll alone is probably responsible for the birth rap music. Sadly, there is very little information about Shindana to be had on teh internets. There's a Wikipedia page, but it just has a listing of some high-lights and a few products they made. There are a few items on eBay, mostly their celebrity dolls, and most of those... ESPECIALLY OJ Simpson are quite $$$. Still no sign of Slade the Super Agent, but rest assured, he WILL be mine.Mattel first introduced a black "friend" for Barbie in 1967, "Black Francie" which was the Caucasian Francie doll (Barbie's MOD British cousin) cast in brown plastic. The following year, Mattel introduced Christy, and gave her true African American features, and she remained a constant part of the line for years.

Shindana countered with Wanda, an African American gal who was her own headliner. (Sadly, I don't believe Shindana issued any friends or a boyfriend for her.) Here is Wanda as a TWA flight attendant.
And as a nurse:I'm sure "A Special Person" sounded nicer at the time. Seeing as the doll was 9", it wasn't compatible with the Barbie line, which is probably why I've never heard of it before. It's probably not highly sought-after. And honestly, these two versions of Wanda are rather drab. However, I did discover a MUST-HAVE... Disco Wanda:
Well, first thing, that illustration on the box bears a strong resemblance to this Donna Summer album cover:Also, the difference between Disco Wanda and the Career Girl Wandas is HUGE! She has longer, more glamorous hair. Her outfit is vastly more colorful and eye-catching. (Minus that unfortunate crotch in those pants! That is NOT the area where you want to go wrong on an outfit!) How fierce is that top and matching head wrap? Also, possibly a sign of the times, she is rocking that plunging V-neck with NO BRA underneath! Gloria Steinham would have been proud.
The best part, however, is that facial mold!
The first two Wanda dolls have such neutral expressions, but look how DELIGHTED Disco Wanda seems! (She must know she will one day belong to ME!) Magnificent! I am especially impressed with the open mouth smile, with teeth apart. I don't believe I have EVER seen a doll with that expression! She is having the BEST time a doll ever has!

So the hunt continues... hmmm, I wonder if I could only choose one, Disco Wanda or Slade the Super Agent, which I would pick? Hmmmm...

Justice League Dream Movie Cast

This is a lame game that Fan Geeks play, which I am terrible at, because I just can't keep up with actors or movies in general anymore. Basically, it's who should play whom if the sky was the limit in casting a movie based on a comic book, in this case the Justice League.

A couple years ago, Marvel announced that Iron Man was the first in a series of movies, to be followed by The Incredible Hulk, Thor, Ant Man (!) and Captain America. THEN, after each of these solo movies, all of them would join forces in one mega-movie, The Avengers.Terrified, DC tried to slap together a Justice League movie to counter. Rather than finagle in the existing Batman and Superman movie franchises, they chose to recast these parts... with stars of prime time teen-skewing dramas. It would've been like Batman's Creek. A movie of this magnitude takes time to put together and Warner Brothers was so desperate to get this out that they considered making it a live-action/CGI hybrid, a la Beowulf (because that was such a hit). It all fell apart, needless to say and the project was shelved.

Like I said, this is a lame game that Fan Geeks play and most of them do so unfathomably HORRIBLY! There seems to be zero regard for actual acting ability (lots o' porn stars and wrestlers on most lists), age or even ETHNICITY! There are probably less than ten ethic heroes that have EVER been in the JL and people can't even be bothered to cast actual actors of color in those roles? Or on the flip side, others seemed to pick actors JUST because they are the same race as the character they are casting, like Vixen... how about Mo'Nique? Ugh.

Most seem to be picked strictly on hair color. Here's a great example. One list had a bunch of Batman's Creek-ish young'uns cast as BatMAN, SuperMAN and company, then suddenly for the role of TEENAGE heroine Gypsy, the idiot chose......41 year-old Catherine Zeta-Jones! Sure, she's still stunning, but she hasn't been 16 in a looooong time! It's like they just took a bunch of names of actors, put them in a hat and went to town! Once upon a time, Catherine was my #1 pick to play Wonder Woman, but I think she's past even THAT now, much less a teenager. (By the way, I will NOT be including Gypsy in my list because, with all the GREAT super heroes to chose from, why would anyone pick this teenage Cyndi Lauper wannabe?)

So first up... Batman!The general consensus is that director Christopher Nolan and world-class tool Christian Bay-hole have one more Batman movie in them, before they move on and it's time for a revamp. Good! Don't let the door hit you on the panther-ass on the way out. Grrrr-Raow!

For this role, you need someone slightly rough around the edges but also suave and debonair (for the Bruce Wayne aspect), but still retains a no-nonsense dark side. Also, with a name like BatMAN, I want an actor a bit older... at least older than I! Therefore, my choice is...John Hamm! (My second choice would have been Gerard Butler, by the way, but he might not be able to pull off the suave, sophisticated thing.)

Next up, Superman!
I was watching Chuck the other night and thought, "Wow, Brandon Routh is totally wrong for the role of Superman! What was anyone thinking?" Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed Superman Returns... moreso than a lot of other people, and I thought he did a decent enough job, but to me, I will always picture Superman as a Kansas farm boy, so I want someone more... Midwestern, if that makes any sense. And beefy doesn't hurt. (That's what she said.) I went with...George Eads from CSI! I mean, LOOK at him! He may have to tone down that Texas drawl a tad, but I think he can do it.

Now, for Wonder Woman...
I remain of the mind that I don't EVER want to see a live-action Wonder Woman movie, just because I know it will suck. Pessimism has it's place. Sigh. However if I must, Wonder Woman needs to be beautiful in a slightly exotic way. She also has to have some meat on her bones, so no waif-y 90210-esque tanerexics need apply. My choice is...Alana de la Garza... okay, she's Latina which may SEEM to contradict what I said earlier about ethnicity, but I think she works as "inexplicably ethnic." Without her name, I don't think you'd immediately peg her as Latina. There are a few other options, but this is my pick in this case.

Now if they HAD to make a WW solo movie, my first pick would have been...Eliza Dushku! However, since I went older with Batman and Superman, I figured Wonder Woman needed to be slightly older as well. (Immortality be damned.) If she can't play Wonder Woman, I think Eliza might make a fantastic...Hawkgirl, the resident bad ass of the group. We already know she can kick lots o' booty from her time as Faith on Buffy, so she'd definitely work here!

With Wonder Woman, there might be a couple of options for casting, but for the stoic heart of the team, Martian Manhunter, there is really only ONE choice...
Dennis Haysbert! You'd be in good hands, with him in the Justice League. PERFECT! It would be like Patrick Stewart in the X-Men. NO ONE else could handle the role.

Aquaman has the reputation of being this white bread, vanilla, blond surfer-looking guy, but he's TOUGH. He survived most of his life on his own, surviving the various perils of the ocean's depths. And he's the KING of Atlantis. He needs to exude power and strength, so blond pretty boys (which I have seen others cast in the role) like Paul Walker and Chris Evans are NOT going to cut it. I went with blond pretty MAN...
Alexander Skarsgard from True Blood (and Lady Gaga's "Paparazzi" video). From ruling over vampires to ruling over amphibious mer-people. That works... right? He also has an icy, withdrawn demeanor which perfectly suits Aquaman!

Black Lightning is an inner city high school teacher, struggling to save his community from drugs and crime, so he's gotta be kick-ass! This next actor exudes toughness, as well as concern and compassion...Michael St. Patrick formerly from Six Feet Under!

Back to me watching Chuck the other night, I realized that...
Yvonne Stahovski would be flawless as Black Canary! She's beautiful, but in a girl-next-door kinda way and has proven to have the action skills needed. The fan geeks would cream over the thought of her in fishnets, too.

For Dr. Light, I must return to the issue of casting ethnic heroes. It can be tough when there aren't many name actors of a certain race. Like with Asian females, you kinda have Lucy Liu, Bai "Batshit Crazy" Ling, the woman from Lost and my choice to play Dr. Light...
Sandra Oh! HOWEVER, I'm not just picking her because she's Asian. Dr. Light is a righteous bitch in the comics and Sandra plays one on Grey's Anatomy. I always thought her character, Christina Yang was like their version of Dr. Light. So there!

I was a bit torn on casting Vixen. Instinctively, I wanted to pick Zoe Saldana, because she'd be GREAT in this role, but after she was already in Star Trek and Avatar, I didn't want to seem like I was using her because she was the current sci fi it girl. I mean, she's be fantastic, buuuut, I went with someone else.
Gabrielle Union, whom I freakin' love! Plus, I mean look at the two pictures! It's kismet! (She just needs a lion.)

Most existing "dream cast" lists stuck with established Hollywood castings, Christian Bay-hole as Batman and Brandon Routh as Superman. I didn't. I will however stick with Hollywood's most recent casting, as Green Lantern...Ryan Reynolds. He should be okay as GL. I'm not anti-Ryan Reynolds as a lot of fans are. However, my FIRST choice would have been...
Bradley Cooper. (Is it just me, or am I casting the sexiest movie of all time?) Since Bradley can't play Green Lantern, I STILL have a part for him (that's what she said... must... stop... that)... er, anyway, Bradley could also make for a great...
Green Arrow! Brash, charming, roguish... perrrrrfect.

Now, prior to Reynold's being cast as Green Lantern, his name popped up on most people's list of perfect actors to portray The Flash.
The Flash, in addition to being younger than most of the others, is also widely considered the heart of the team. Mr. Super Congeniality, if you will. And after watching (500) Days of Summer this weekend, no one is as full of heart or as lovable as... Joseph Gordon-Levitt! He's like a human puppy!

While The Flash is younger than most of the other heroes, he's been a hero since he was a teenager, so he's an old pro. Leaving the roles of bumbling novice to two heroes, Firestorm and Blue Beetle.As Firestorm, I'm going with...
Tyler James Williams, from Everybody Hates Chris, who it just so happens, voiced Firestorm recently on the Batman: The Brave & The Bold cartoon! Firestorm is supposed to be kind of awkward and dorky, so Tyler is perfect for that!
And finally, as The Blue Beetle a.k.a. Latino teen Jaime Reyes. I chose...
Ugly Betty star Mark Indelicato. Okay, YES, he is the only Latino teen actor I know of. HOWEVER, Blue Beetle is supposed to be a complete amateur, bumbling and awkward and Mark's depiction of Justin on Ugly Betty has suffered through similar problems. And besides, being gay... super hero... it's pretty darn close!

Sigh! If only everyone did as I commanded. We'd all be so much happier!

If I Must...

I was startled to find that just days after blogging about washed up pop singers, I was greeted with news of former teen-pop singer Monica's new video. Now normally, I kinda wouldn't care, except for the fact that it co-stars Cincinnati's own Chad Ochocinco, so that at least makes it worth a "Huh. Isn't that interesting?" THEN, this was followed with the news that Chad was among the new competitors on Dancing With The Stars. Since I don't watch DWTS, I pretty much had the same response. I'm actually more intrigued that none other than Niecy Nash is going to be on. (If only she'd get her ass back on Clean House! She's the only reason I even watched it! No more of this guest-host hoo-ha!) So basically, it's like I have to blog about Mr. 85. Here's the new video:

Wow, that was boring as shit. Mon, honey, that was NO "Angel of Mine!"


HEY! They guy in that video looks like Chad! I guess we now know Monica's type!

As for the new video, I am not loving that asymmetrical 'do. That wasn't even cute the first time, when Dawn from En Vogue rocked it in the "Free Your Mind" video. (Monica and En Vogue in one blog? I didn't even realize blogging had been invented in 1996!) Poor Mon! Better luck next time!

Random McRandomness

It's a tad too little too late, but I CANNOT believe what little bitches people were being about the Olympics! First that snowboarder got in trouble for his "racy" photos.Then the Canadian Women's Hockey team got in trouble for partying too hard.(Women's Hockey? That's a real thing?!) Big deal! They're OLYMPIC MEDALISTS! They bust their asses, maintaining these GRUELING training schedules, year-round for this dog and pony show for everyone's entertainment and for their countries' glory! And they're kids! Remember YOUR twenties?! Jesus, I'm STILL hungover from mine! And you call those pics racy? You see worse on EVERY VH1 reality show! (Plus, if I had abs like that, I'd show you RACY! He shouldn't even be allowed to WEAR a shirt!) People are so hypocritical and puritanical! How SHOULD they celebrate? With a prayer meeting? Geez, line up the coke and whores on ME if that's what they want! They deserve it!

And in terrible music news, another Pussy has left the Cat House.(Classy.) Um, so like are there any left? How many were there to start with? And, where do you even go from there? It would be like if Chris, Joey and Lance from *NSYNC had tried to go it alone without JC and Justin. It's would be like *NSY*. (Does anyone get that?)

Gossip Girl Leighton Meester has decided to put her music "career" on hold.
Yeah, I can see how that 1 1/2 singles could REALLY take it out of you. You deserve a break, Leighton! All that shimmying and pointing... it's right up their with Madonna and her 12,000 stops on this last tour.

You'd think she only did it to fool around with Robin Thicke in the video... which if that's the case, someone get me a producer RIGHT! NOW!!!

And the worst singer ever, Kim Zolciak from the Real Housewives of Atlanta is now a LESBIAN! Gurrrrl, you better clip those press on nails, if you know what I mean! Publicity whore. Because that worked so well for Lindsay Lohan.



(Sorry it cuts off.) Keeyum is pioneering a new form of entertainment. (Ahem, "entertainment.") She's not lipsynching, she's really singing, but at the same time the recording is playing, so she's really singing along with it. Okay... that's what I do in my CAR! Can I have a hit song? Pass on the lesbian thing though, thanks, I'm good.

This last bit is just for Cathy, because we watched Fame the other night, which starred one of the kids from V Factory and I was saying how I saw a clip of them lipsynching and dancing on Wendy Williams and was like, "Aw, how cute that they think holding microphones is fooling anyone. Boys, we know you're not really singing. You don't have to pretend."



I love Wendy's intro, "Our next guests are very five cute guys..." Such a master of her craft. Also, if you're going to lipsynch, microphones are bad news. Remember this:


You don't want everyone to know your pussies are hanging out, do you, V Factory? Also, she doesn't seem at all concerned that her ASS is hanging out the whole time... by design! Besides, who cares if your pussy's hanging out? We all saw it that time you got outta that car, anyway! (P.S.-Remember when Britney was a GOOD dancer? Now she's treading in Leighton Meester territory!) Good thing she didn't have an Olympic Medal. They'd make her give it back! Zing!