Thursday, March 4, 2010

Justice League Dream Movie Cast

This is a lame game that Fan Geeks play, which I am terrible at, because I just can't keep up with actors or movies in general anymore. Basically, it's who should play whom if the sky was the limit in casting a movie based on a comic book, in this case the Justice League.

A couple years ago, Marvel announced that Iron Man was the first in a series of movies, to be followed by The Incredible Hulk, Thor, Ant Man (!) and Captain America. THEN, after each of these solo movies, all of them would join forces in one mega-movie, The Avengers.Terrified, DC tried to slap together a Justice League movie to counter. Rather than finagle in the existing Batman and Superman movie franchises, they chose to recast these parts... with stars of prime time teen-skewing dramas. It would've been like Batman's Creek. A movie of this magnitude takes time to put together and Warner Brothers was so desperate to get this out that they considered making it a live-action/CGI hybrid, a la Beowulf (because that was such a hit). It all fell apart, needless to say and the project was shelved.

Like I said, this is a lame game that Fan Geeks play and most of them do so unfathomably HORRIBLY! There seems to be zero regard for actual acting ability (lots o' porn stars and wrestlers on most lists), age or even ETHNICITY! There are probably less than ten ethic heroes that have EVER been in the JL and people can't even be bothered to cast actual actors of color in those roles? Or on the flip side, others seemed to pick actors JUST because they are the same race as the character they are casting, like Vixen... how about Mo'Nique? Ugh.

Most seem to be picked strictly on hair color. Here's a great example. One list had a bunch of Batman's Creek-ish young'uns cast as BatMAN, SuperMAN and company, then suddenly for the role of TEENAGE heroine Gypsy, the idiot chose......41 year-old Catherine Zeta-Jones! Sure, she's still stunning, but she hasn't been 16 in a looooong time! It's like they just took a bunch of names of actors, put them in a hat and went to town! Once upon a time, Catherine was my #1 pick to play Wonder Woman, but I think she's past even THAT now, much less a teenager. (By the way, I will NOT be including Gypsy in my list because, with all the GREAT super heroes to chose from, why would anyone pick this teenage Cyndi Lauper wannabe?)

So first up... Batman!The general consensus is that director Christopher Nolan and world-class tool Christian Bay-hole have one more Batman movie in them, before they move on and it's time for a revamp. Good! Don't let the door hit you on the panther-ass on the way out. Grrrr-Raow!

For this role, you need someone slightly rough around the edges but also suave and debonair (for the Bruce Wayne aspect), but still retains a no-nonsense dark side. Also, with a name like BatMAN, I want an actor a bit older... at least older than I! Therefore, my choice is...John Hamm! (My second choice would have been Gerard Butler, by the way, but he might not be able to pull off the suave, sophisticated thing.)

Next up, Superman!
I was watching Chuck the other night and thought, "Wow, Brandon Routh is totally wrong for the role of Superman! What was anyone thinking?" Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed Superman Returns... moreso than a lot of other people, and I thought he did a decent enough job, but to me, I will always picture Superman as a Kansas farm boy, so I want someone more... Midwestern, if that makes any sense. And beefy doesn't hurt. (That's what she said.) I went with...George Eads from CSI! I mean, LOOK at him! He may have to tone down that Texas drawl a tad, but I think he can do it.

Now, for Wonder Woman...
I remain of the mind that I don't EVER want to see a live-action Wonder Woman movie, just because I know it will suck. Pessimism has it's place. Sigh. However if I must, Wonder Woman needs to be beautiful in a slightly exotic way. She also has to have some meat on her bones, so no waif-y 90210-esque tanerexics need apply. My choice is...Alana de la Garza... okay, she's Latina which may SEEM to contradict what I said earlier about ethnicity, but I think she works as "inexplicably ethnic." Without her name, I don't think you'd immediately peg her as Latina. There are a few other options, but this is my pick in this case.

Now if they HAD to make a WW solo movie, my first pick would have been...Eliza Dushku! However, since I went older with Batman and Superman, I figured Wonder Woman needed to be slightly older as well. (Immortality be damned.) If she can't play Wonder Woman, I think Eliza might make a fantastic...Hawkgirl, the resident bad ass of the group. We already know she can kick lots o' booty from her time as Faith on Buffy, so she'd definitely work here!

With Wonder Woman, there might be a couple of options for casting, but for the stoic heart of the team, Martian Manhunter, there is really only ONE choice...
Dennis Haysbert! You'd be in good hands, with him in the Justice League. PERFECT! It would be like Patrick Stewart in the X-Men. NO ONE else could handle the role.

Aquaman has the reputation of being this white bread, vanilla, blond surfer-looking guy, but he's TOUGH. He survived most of his life on his own, surviving the various perils of the ocean's depths. And he's the KING of Atlantis. He needs to exude power and strength, so blond pretty boys (which I have seen others cast in the role) like Paul Walker and Chris Evans are NOT going to cut it. I went with blond pretty MAN...
Alexander Skarsgard from True Blood (and Lady Gaga's "Paparazzi" video). From ruling over vampires to ruling over amphibious mer-people. That works... right? He also has an icy, withdrawn demeanor which perfectly suits Aquaman!

Black Lightning is an inner city high school teacher, struggling to save his community from drugs and crime, so he's gotta be kick-ass! This next actor exudes toughness, as well as concern and compassion...Michael St. Patrick formerly from Six Feet Under!

Back to me watching Chuck the other night, I realized that...
Yvonne Stahovski would be flawless as Black Canary! She's beautiful, but in a girl-next-door kinda way and has proven to have the action skills needed. The fan geeks would cream over the thought of her in fishnets, too.

For Dr. Light, I must return to the issue of casting ethnic heroes. It can be tough when there aren't many name actors of a certain race. Like with Asian females, you kinda have Lucy Liu, Bai "Batshit Crazy" Ling, the woman from Lost and my choice to play Dr. Light...
Sandra Oh! HOWEVER, I'm not just picking her because she's Asian. Dr. Light is a righteous bitch in the comics and Sandra plays one on Grey's Anatomy. I always thought her character, Christina Yang was like their version of Dr. Light. So there!

I was a bit torn on casting Vixen. Instinctively, I wanted to pick Zoe Saldana, because she'd be GREAT in this role, but after she was already in Star Trek and Avatar, I didn't want to seem like I was using her because she was the current sci fi it girl. I mean, she's be fantastic, buuuut, I went with someone else.
Gabrielle Union, whom I freakin' love! Plus, I mean look at the two pictures! It's kismet! (She just needs a lion.)

Most existing "dream cast" lists stuck with established Hollywood castings, Christian Bay-hole as Batman and Brandon Routh as Superman. I didn't. I will however stick with Hollywood's most recent casting, as Green Lantern...Ryan Reynolds. He should be okay as GL. I'm not anti-Ryan Reynolds as a lot of fans are. However, my FIRST choice would have been...
Bradley Cooper. (Is it just me, or am I casting the sexiest movie of all time?) Since Bradley can't play Green Lantern, I STILL have a part for him (that's what she said... must... stop... that)... er, anyway, Bradley could also make for a great...
Green Arrow! Brash, charming, roguish... perrrrrfect.

Now, prior to Reynold's being cast as Green Lantern, his name popped up on most people's list of perfect actors to portray The Flash.
The Flash, in addition to being younger than most of the others, is also widely considered the heart of the team. Mr. Super Congeniality, if you will. And after watching (500) Days of Summer this weekend, no one is as full of heart or as lovable as... Joseph Gordon-Levitt! He's like a human puppy!

While The Flash is younger than most of the other heroes, he's been a hero since he was a teenager, so he's an old pro. Leaving the roles of bumbling novice to two heroes, Firestorm and Blue Beetle.As Firestorm, I'm going with...
Tyler James Williams, from Everybody Hates Chris, who it just so happens, voiced Firestorm recently on the Batman: The Brave & The Bold cartoon! Firestorm is supposed to be kind of awkward and dorky, so Tyler is perfect for that!
And finally, as The Blue Beetle a.k.a. Latino teen Jaime Reyes. I chose...
Ugly Betty star Mark Indelicato. Okay, YES, he is the only Latino teen actor I know of. HOWEVER, Blue Beetle is supposed to be a complete amateur, bumbling and awkward and Mark's depiction of Justin on Ugly Betty has suffered through similar problems. And besides, being gay... super hero... it's pretty darn close!

Sigh! If only everyone did as I commanded. We'd all be so much happier!

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