Friday, March 19, 2010

The Spring Supplement

This is kind of like on Bravo at the end of each series' season, they do a reunion show hosted by that talentless dick-weasel Andy Cohen, a recap/follow-up blog to some older things I've posted, with some new stuff thrown in. 1. No sooner do "insiders" reveal that John Krazinski basically has the role of Captain America locked up, than word surfaces that Channing Tatum is now in the lead. What exactly happened to this guy? One second he's lean and ripped, the next... it's not even that he gained that much weight, it's more that he kinda now looks like one of those microfiber smooshy pillows that were so popular five years ago. Whatever the cause, I think it happened to Luke Wilson too.
Except Channing Tatum just looks like he cut back on working out and maybe over indulged over the holidays. And maybe some cocaine. Possibly. Luke Wilson looks like he just gave up on life. Remember when Owen was the funny one and Luke was the cute one, then Owen tried to commit suicide (decidedly un-funny) and Luke... did this, whatever "this" is (decidedly un-cute). Someone help the Wilson brothers! Please! It's one thing to see certain trashy celebs fall from grace, but these two are too talented to let slide into that cesspool. Maybe someone could call Dr. Drew.
You know what, though? (Back on-topic) Even when Channing Tatum looked like this (above), he still didn't strike me as Captain America-esque. There's always been something I didn't like about him. He's obviously good-looking, but kinda... thuggy. Like he doesn't just know the lyrics to every Eminem song, he feels them. I'm sticking with Chris Pine as my numero uno selection.

2. Dear Jesse James, Way to turn the biggest event in your wife's entire professional life into complete shit!

In case you haven't heard, recent Academy Award-winner (and hottie-maker-outer-er) Sandra Bullock has moved out after learning that her bridge troll of a husband had an ongoing affair with a tattoo model. (That's a job?!)

Oh, btw Jesse, apparently you were unclear in the whole, she's the one that's out of YOUR league, set up.

Obviously this goon CAN'T do better than Sandra Bullock, but come on, at least TRY! That's like that time that Tiger Woods slept with that Waffle House waitress (or was it Denny's? What's Tiger Woods doing eating at either?). Not to condone cheating, but it's one thing to cheat-up with hot models or model-lookalikes, but regardless of how small a celebrity you are, you shouldn't settle for a Last Call Skank! Ooooh. Funny thought: wouldn't it be fun to live in Beverly Hills, just to see the Walks-of-Shame every morning and see who settled for whom the night before. You could even take bets on which house Lindsay leaves this time!

Also, I'd never noticed this, but there DOES seem to be a Best Actress curse. After winning this award, several actresses have had their marriages end: Kate Winslet, Hillary Swank, Helen Hunt, Reese Witherspoon and Halle Berry. Dang, ladies! Gwyneth Paltrow was listed in the article I read, but I'm pretty sure Chris Martin was her only spouse. Maybe her prior relationship ended, but I could swear she wasn't married.

3. I found a Disco Wanda on eBay! As you can see from the above image, it's a DIFFERENT Disco Wanda than the one I'd seen previously. The face looks to be the same, but this doll is wearing a turquoise Dress Barn close-out with ugly green belt, decidedly LESS spectacular than the delightful pants outfit on the previously discovered doll. And who wears a turban?!

Anyway, if you click on the eBay link, you'll see that this lovely doll is going for the low, low bargain basement price of just $229.95! Wow, that's a whole five cents less than $230! What a steal! And steal is what I'd have to do, if I wanted any chance of owning this little treasure. But one day, my dear, one day...

4. I found the above image of Black Canary which I used in my BC tribute blog, on another comic-themed blog. He had loads of neat pictures of the DC super heroes similar to this one... then I realized that most of the others were the images on various tee shirts, like the ones I found on, the place that had ALL those amazingly obscure super hero tees I blogged about. But... I didn't see a Black Canary tee on there, because TRUST ME, you'd have heard about that! Not only was there this image of Black Canary, but this image of Zatanna:
(Zatanna, pronounced Zuh-tan-uh, i.e. does not rhyme with Carlos Santana... there is no N before the T in her name, is the resident sorceress of the Justice League. She currently looks like this:
which is why everyone I know refers to her as "Who's that girl in the top hat?" I prefer the 80s version in the first illo with bell sleeves and white cape, but that's just me. I should also point out that Zatanna works as a stage magician... but is in fact REALLY magical, so isn't that cheating? Also, in a world where super heroes and villains actually exist and everyone knows this, why would anyone be interested in a stage magician in the first place?)

So wait a second... if every other image on this other blog were illustrations from tee shirts, shouldn't that mean that these were too? I double checked MyTeeSpot, as well as and (both of which as also super amazing btw) and didn't find anything. Then I tried Amazon... and BINGO! I found both through one of their independent dealers. I ordered them, however, I am a tad concerned because according to the vendor, they were Men's sized shirts. Logically, I'd have assumed these were Juniors. So now I just need to wait for them to arrive. I'm really hoping I don't have to exchange them. But I mean, there's no way I can squeeze into a Juniors' size Small but I didn't want to order an XL and have a Men's XL arrive, because that would have looked like a sack dress on me. We'll see...

5. Thank god THAT madness is over with! Saltare FINALLY got kicked off America's Best DANCE Crew last night. To be honest, I fast forward through each show and just watch the dances (and often re-watch them just so I catch everything), but I did manage to hear a snippet of one of the lame assholes in this Crew saying something like, "We know no one likes us and thinks we shouldn't be on this show..." FUCK YEAH! How is that even in question? Is it too much to think that a group appearing on a DANCE show actually fucking DANCE?! Why is that an unreasonable demand?! They shouldn't have even made it onto the show, much less lasted to this point! And screw JC Chasez and his excuses, "What you do is set to music, it's timed, there's rhythm. That's dancing." Um, except wrong! PLUS, and this is what really galls me... they have one gimmick, jumping rope, and they don't even do THAT well! I've seen ten year-old girls doing double dutch and it kicks Saltre's asses! So they don't even do their ONE gimmick well! They have no grace whatsoever. They flail and thump around, while swinging their stupid ropes. The other Crews' routines are seamless and flow from one move to the next, but at least twice, if not more, in every Saltare routine, there's that second or two where they have to pause to get their ropes in sync or whatever.

6. I forgot what instigated this, but I was thinking, "Wow, I'm really lucky that geek chic is en vogue. I'm gonna be royally screwed when it goes out of style." Then I realized that maybe it already has! See... I kinda thought people liked the Jersey Shore and other shows like Tool Academy and... every other VH1 reality show, because they were making fun of the idiots on it. But then, I saw an article in a magazine that had a poll for which of the Jersey Shore neanderdouches women thought was the hottest! Um, the only acceptable answer is NONE!!! (Which doesn't appear to have been an option.) HOT?! Those inarticulate, brain-dead, metrogay slabs of beef?! If you're not a stripper or porn star, you shouldn't be attracted to ANY of them! And that pretty much goes for the ladi... er, females on the show. Dear god, is that where we're headed? Are there people that actually RESPECT these kinds of people? Are there actually people that ASPIRE to be like that? Horrific!

And finally, a funny toy review video! Enjoy!

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