Thursday, March 18, 2010

March Sanity

God I hate basketball. It's like people just HAVE to have some sport going on for their lives to be fulfilled. Football's over. Baseball hasn't started. "What EVER shall we do with ourselves?! We MUST have some excuse to eat chips and drink beer and ignore reality!" With baseball, I don't like it or anything, but overall it doesn't really bother me. It's kinda like those homeless people downtown that sell Street Vibes. You can say no and they still tell you to have a nice day. Baseball is the somewhat employed, genial homeless person of sports. (Metaphor!) Football... has hot guys. That's all I got. With basketball... ugh! I hate it! The only thing I want to see enormous black men doing is dressing like enormous black women.I love how on RuPaul's Drag Race, she says, in the most dire and serious tone ever, "It's time... to lipsynch... FOR YOUR LIFE." Which is a fallacy, since the eliminated drag queen is never actually put down. Though I don't normally risk death, I think it might be worth it to find an actual situation where lipsynching really could save your life. Like I'm so close to a hungry, pissed off grizzly bear that it's breath is fogging up my glasses... and then, "All the single ladies! (All the single ladies!) All the single ladies! (All the single ladies!) Put'cha hands up!" And death averted!
Foolproof. Suck it MacGuyver!

Well, speaking of nothing interesting going on in March, as everyone knows, I am decidedly PRO-teen idol. Even the ones like Zac Efron and Taylor Lautner, who are just kinda popular because they're pretty. (And HOW pretty they are!) In fact, I realized today, after navigating around the huge Twilight kiosk at work all day, that I'm fairly certain Taylor Lautner is screwed. He's famous for being in Twilight and having killer abs. Where do you go from there? No straight guy can ever go to one of his movies without seeming gay. Taylor could probably actually turn a few guys if he wanted. But I digress. Most male actors might be attractive, but they still have SOME guy-appeal, but I'm pretty sure Taylor does not. Poor Button!
Though I might be pro-teen idol in general, I am decidedly anti-Justin Bieber. Sorry, humanity, you lost me. That squeaky, pre-pubescent voice worked well all of thrice, Michael Jackson, Ralph Tresvant from New Edition and Joey MacIntyre. No more! Yuck! I don't get that at all. At least Taylor Hanson sounded vaguely like a guy. Kinda. JB just sounds to be shrieking... except like through his nose. This is coming from me and I listen to some SHITTY singers! (Don-don't be tardy for the party.)

Also, NOT THAT I'M LOOKING, but he's not even cute. Not ugly, but not cute. Cathy used to hate the Jonas Brothers' hair, but Bieber's is worse to me. It's just flat and boring and unkempt.

He kinda creeps me out a tad. Like the way clowns creep some people... er, everybody... out. Don't know what it is. He's like some reptile or something. Not diggin' it, folks!

1 comment:

  1. I hate Justin's hair too! It's called texturizer...USE IT!