Saturday, September 12, 2009

Form of a Puke Bucket!

(I like how this picture seems to indicate that medical care hasn't evolved at all since The Little Rascals.)

I got completely sick yesterday. This has never happened... I mean, I've been sick, but not like this. Usually, if I get the flu, I know it's coming because I get all achy in my muscles and joints, and this can last for days before I get full-blown sick. The good thing about that is it gives me enough warning to start guzzling flu medicine the way I do booze and often I can prevent myself from getting full-on sick.

This time it was different, because I was completely fine in the morning. Well, I was tired because I was awakened at like 7 a.m. by this ridiculous cacophony of... birds, I guess, but not the sweet chirpy kind, these were loud, squawking jungle-dwellers. In fact, I'm not even sure all of them were birds. Common sense tells me we don't have lemurs in the neighborhood, but do I trust common sense or my hearing? Because, I swear, I heard lemurs. Nothing with feathers sounds like that. This was just a long paragraph summarizing that I was tired going to work yesterday.

So I was tired, but functional at work. Then as things were dying down, I drank a glass of water and immediately threw it back up. And then it hit me. I swear, I have never gotten taken down by illness so swiftly and suddenly! I puked a good bit in at least three different trash cans. I can't even describe the feeling overcoming me other than... sick. I could barely stand. I could barely SIT! My co-workers, understandably, told me to get the hell out of there and they'd finish all my work for me. I didn't even make it all the way home before I started ralphing again. I didn't even come to a complete stop before I started ralphing again. Ugh. That was unpleasant.

By the time I collapsed in my bed, I was having those... you know when you're sick and suddenly your body is burning up, then suddenly you're freezing and shivering and then, just for variety, you feel both at the same time? That. I had the worst headache, possibly, of my whole life. It was like a migraine stretching from temple to temple across my forehead AND across the top of my head. It was like a double cheeseburger, except in the form of excruciating pain.

Had I not been in such pain, I'd have found this next part funny. I attempted to take some Tylenol PM to diminish the pain and to hopefully put me to sleep. I kept throwing it back up, but I think enough got into my system to help a little bit. Except EVERY time I started to drift off, like the phone would ring (junk calls of course), or Dylan would open the garage door, then close the garage door, then open it again... I have no idea what he was doing, and then finally... David's alarm clock went off!!! At SIX PM!!! What the hell?! It was like the universe was having a slow day and needed a laugh.

Anyway, eventually I DID get a small nap in and the suffering started tapering off, so obviously, it wasn't Swine Flu. I was able to eat a little soup that night. Today, I feel mostly better, but I'm still not at 100%. I went to run a few errands and realized I really wasn't strong enough for that yet. I tried eating Chick-Fil-A, but my throat was so raw from the upchucking, I couldn't handle it and stopped. Hopefully, I'll be back to full strength soon!

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