Wednesday, November 11, 2009

I Ain't Mad At Ya, Sandra Bullock

I'd smile too if I were this chick. I am SO onto you, sister!
"Who me?"
Oh don't play that whole innocent, America's Sweetheart thing with me, lady. Last night, when I turned off my Tivo, the TV was on some prime time news... well entertainment news, but still... an interview special with country music stars and it just so happened to be a feature on Tim McGraw. I don't really know Mr. McGraw's music, seeing as how I do not drive a pickup truck or shop at Walmart, but having eyes, I do and have always realized that he was extremely HAWT.
In addition to making music that I don't listen to-- what d'ya know?!-- he's now making movies... with Sandra Bullock. I thought, "Why would he be in a movie with Sandra Bullock?" then realized, "Because he's hot and Sandra Bullock always stars alongside hot guys!" Ah HA! It's true! Ever since she gained fame in those Speed movies the kids all love, she's done nothing but use her Hollywood clout to make out with hot guys!
Post-Speed, she had to do time making out with a couple of ickies like Dennis Leary in Two If By Sea and Bill Pullman (okay not icky per se... but still) in While You Were Sleeping (one of my mom's faves, seriously, although she calls it Why You Sleep... it's funnier if you hear me doing the accent, but... use your imagination). (Also, I'm throwing Keanu in the icky category, because it's my blog and I make the rules. Take that Neo!) By then, she'd landed her prime spot as "America's Sweetheart"... and then she was SET! Next up, In Love And War with eternal cutiepie Chris O'Donnell... so cute, even Batman & Robin couldn't spoil him for me. (Still not gonna watch NCIS, though. Gotta have boundaries.)
Then, A Time To Kill, with a then-unknown Matthew McCaauuughgh... yeah, this guy. Sandra plucked his fine ass from obscurity, for the sole purpose of tapping that. I can't really hold what he became later against her. Yuck. (Reportedly, he doesn't wear deodorant... now just think about how much time he spends running around shirtless on the beach and then subtract deodorant from the equation... EW! indeed.)
Next came manly Nichole Kidman in Practical Magic. And after that, Ben Affleck in Forces of Nature. Well... at least it wasn't as bad as Gigli. I must admit that I don't really find Ben Affleck all that attractive (although he does look pretty smokey-dokie in this pic)...
However, I adore Corey Monteith in Glee whom I refer to as "Baby Ben Affleck." Aw... Finn!
Next came the REAL talent to come out of the Mickey Mouse Club, Ryan Gosseling. Yeah! You didn't know those pipes were hiding under those sleeves, did you? Back off! I saw him first! (Literally, I used to tape the Mickey Mouse Club everyday!) To top it all off, Sandra and Ryan actually dated in real life, even though she's about twenty years older than him. I guess. I don't really know how old she is and if I did, I still wouldn't bother doing the math. Too busy staring at biceps.
Most recently, she knocked it out of the park with The Proposal alongside Mr. Sexiest Body Ever, Ryan Reynolds. (Sandra said, "Oh what's this? There just happens to be a nude scene in the script! Tee hee! Oh well, guess we haaaave to do it, if it's in the script. God how lame... heh heh heh.")
And Mr. All-Around-Hottest-Guy-Ever, Bradley Cooper. I don't even have anything quippy to say about that. I'm too mesmerized by those eyes. (What the FUCK is he doing dating that Apple Head, Renee Zellwegger?!)
Which brings us up to date, with Tim McGraw. More rugged sexy than most of the guys on this list, but then again, I prefer that to man-pretty, y'know?
Also, even though I don't know HIS music all that well... okay, at all, I know his wife Faith Hill's and I like her. In fact, they may be my favorite celebrity couple. I just love seeing them together. I swear if THEY ever broke up, I'd just be devastated. I'd be convinced that there was no such thing as true love and even question the universe. "Why are we here? Whyyyyyyyy?!"

Like I said, I ain't mad at Sandra Bullock for using her powers for evil. Trust me, if I could do it, I would. But the real question is... she's made out with the hottest guys in Hollywood... so...
Why is she married to this guy?


  1. I'll hold Lollipop Head, you kick her. Then we'll steal Bradley for our own use!!

  2. God, I love Ben Affleck. You can have Baby Ben Affleck, I'll take the original.