Sunday, February 21, 2010

Valentine's Was A Week Ago, But Still...

I LOVED Valentine's Day as a kid, because it meant I got to give out Super Friends Valentine's cards at school. I gave out Super Friends cards every year... hey, if it works, don't screw with the formula. I found these AWESOME pics online and thought I'd drag you along on my stroll down Memory Lane. It's so funny, because as much as I loved the Super Friends cards, I was giving these away, so I don't really remember them that well.
I don't recall The Joker dressing like dandy Quentin Crisp, but there you have it. Also, I'm not digging the strangeness of the Joker-In-The-Box sending out heart vibes to a delighted Batman. Batman and The Joker aren't meant to be Valentines! That would be like dogs and cats or James Cameron and movies being Valentines and we all know that's just ridiculous.This card is strikingly benign. "We are a team. You're nice." Not "We are a GREAT team!" or even a "Good Team," just "We are a team." It may as well read, "I HAVE to give you a card, but it doesn't have to be a good one and I DON'T have to mean it!"This is like the opposite of the previous card. This is the card you gave to the person you were psycho obsessing over. "Don't break my heart... or Batman'll come over and kick you through yours! Ignore the shrine I built to you."

I looked at some Valentine's cards this year and they were terrible. Just stock art or photos and a lot of them don't even SAY anything except like "Happy Valentines Day... iCarlie!". At least back in the 80s, they went to the trouble of writing awful puns on each card!They really got their mileage out of the "Joker" puns. I'm not sure I get this card. Is the implication that Batman thinks The Joker is clever? Because I doubt he'd ever admit that, even after the dalliance with The Joker-In-The-Box. It would probably make sense if it were JUST The Joker on the card, perhaps implying that The Joker thought the recipient of the card was clever. Also check out the RIDICULOUSLY disproportionately tiny image of The Penguin in the foreground. If they were standing straight up, he'd only come to The Joker's waist!

I wish real banks kept their money in bags emblazoned with dollar signs. I bet Ke$ha does.
I'm ASTOUNDED that Wonder Girl appeared on a card (top left)! Wonder Girl licensed products are few and far between. I must track these down at some point. I'm a bit perplexed by the "SPROING" sound effect. Is Green Arrow or The Flash popping a boner? A boner... for justice, maybe!
Oh my. I don't think I'd have wanted to have gotten this one. (Psst! Special means retarded.)
Black Canary?! WHY don't I remember this at all?! And what a great picture! Of course, no one receiving this card would have any idea who she was. "Is Supergirl dressed like a dominatrix?" Or maybe they'd think she was a villain and Green Arrow was trying to "capture" her? At any rate, I hope she doesn't find out about his SPROINGing Wonder Girl earlier.
First Wonder Girl. Then Black Canary. Now... Aquaman's wife, Mera?! I just died and went to Obscure Super Hero Heaven! "You're a real catch!" FANTASTIC terrible pun! It's almost better than "I Choo choo choose you." But these ladies were just the set up...
This one takes the Obscurity Cake. I absolutely can't believe El Dorado (left) got his own card! He was the Mexican Superfriend who kind of had whatever super power he needed in whatever situation he found himself. In one episode, he created the "illusion" of a pile of dolls, which the villain The Doll Maker is then shown digging through, thus the dolls are not illusions at all, but solid objects, therefore establishing that El Dorado could literally just pull whatever he wanted out of his ass. (Or eyes, if you want to get technical.) So... I guess that warrants his getting his own Valentine card. I find it funny that his card doesn't say anything specific about him or his powers, leading me to believe that whoever designed these had no clue who he was, and just slapped him on a card because he was in the package of licensed artwork they were given to work with.

Also, the name "El Dorado" makes no sense. It was like they just flipped through the chapter about Mexico in a geography text book and picked the first vocabulary word they found. I suppose he's lucky he didn't end up being named "Corn Tortilla" or "Treaty of Cordoba." But naming a super hero after a city? That'd be like Superman calling himself Buffalo, New York. That doesn't make sense! But "El Dorado?" Sure, let's run with that.I seriously need to check eBay for these. I bet people back then never figured that grown adults would one day be scrounging for these things as collector's items. In all honesty, I should have just kept the ones I bought and told my classmates they could keep their lame A-Team and Holly Hobby cards. "Nah, I'll be my own Super Valentine, thanks!" Kinda like my teenage years. Wah waaaaaah!

Did I just type "boner for justice?"

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