Wednesday, February 10, 2010

More Like Project RunAWAY

Sigh. How did this go from being the highlight of my television-viewing week to being my pity-watch? I used to LIVE for Project Runway! Then there was the whole debacle about them switching to Lifetime, which eventually got settled, so you'd think, huzzah now we're off and running! Except last season, the first on Lifetime, it was duller than dirt, and at the end I was like, "THAT was what all the fuss was about? THAT is what I waited months for?" It was like getting into the champagne room at the strip joint and finding out you still don't get to touch the dancers... not that I'd know or anything, but Chris Rock did a whole bit about it. It was funny. Check it out. (Do NOT check out Project Runway.)
It's not as if there aren't some interesting designers on the show, but no batshit krayzee villains like Santino or Jeffrey Sebelia or Kinley or Wendy Pepper (btw, doesn't that sounds like she should be a character on the cartoon Doug?). No delightful over-the-top designers like Chris March (drag queen costume designer) or Christian Siriano (FIERCE!). Not even awesome underdogs like Michael Knight (the coffee filter dress!) or Robert Best (Barbie designer!!!).So far, we have sassy Miss Thang, Anthony and then there was that crackpot Ping, but she wasn't fun crazy, just annoying crazy and, SORRY draping a bunch of fabric on a model isn't really making clothes! Sometimes when I do laundry, when I carry my sheets downstairs, I have to drape them over my shoulder or something... does that make me a fashion designer?

OH, speaking of which, poor Bravo, Runway-free, has had to scramble to replace it. First there was The Fashion Show with Isaac Mizrahi and Kelly Rowland, which believe it or now, was more boring than the new Project Runway. Also, the competitors were already established designers! I mean, occasionally on Runway, I'd complain because certain people on it had already achieved success (I mean a BARBIE designer?) A lot of people complained about Kelly Rowland as the co-host, but I say good for her. She deserved some designer togs after being forced to wear that shiteous House of Dereon crap all those years!

BUT... then Bravo followed that mess up with Launch My Line, hosted by twin designers David and Dan Caten, a.k.a. D-Squared, WHICH listen up people... something squared means something TIMES ITSELF! IT DOES NOT MEAN TIMES TWO!!! I HATE MATH AND I KNOW THAT MUCH!!! Everyone's an idiot.

Ahem, right, Launch My Line featured stylists, music producers, choreographers, publicists, etc. who all wanted to launch their own clothing line DESPITE NOT KNOWING ANYTHING ABOUT FASHION!!! NOTHING!!! Hey, I WEAR clothes, can I be on?! I also eat, can I be on Top Chef?! Oh poor, poor Bravo... you still have the Real Housewives. Also, am I the only one who wants NYC Prep back? Yes? Sigh. Okay. All Lifetime has is Mother May I Sleep With Danger. No, really. And that movie where Leanne Rimes and Eddie Cibrian slept together and then started sleeping together in real life. Gah, even their real-life drama is boring!
So, Runway officially jumped the shark when the Weinstein Company took it over to Lifetime. Another possibly-soon-to-be-former fave, America's Best Dance Crew, may have jumped the shark with the inclusion of... a jump rope crew.
That... really isn't dancing. First they had cloggers, then voguers. but... I mean, those ARE dance styles. AND YET, they sailed right through the first round! WHY?! They were terrible! Plus... where can you even go from there? What is their next challenge going to be... actually DANCING?! Hey, who wants to help me form a Hopscotch Crew?! We could so kick ass!

ABDC, you are treading dangerously close to Project Runway status. I already dropped So You Think You Can Dance?, after last season's three month (seemingly) audition process. Don't make me drop you too! Where else will I get my fix of dance television? Consider yourself warned.

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