Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Gay Fitness

I like The Amazing Race. By now, we've seen everything type of person on the show that you can imagine... I mean, remember the little person that was on that one time? YET, why is it still that everyone that goes on feels like they have something to prove, not just for themselves but for society in general.
Take Erica and Brian... okay, first of all, I hate Erica. What a bitch! And Brian? Complete sweetheart! He was so loving and caring and patient and yet all Erica did was scream at him the whole time. Because we needed a new Kate Gosselin. Sooooooooo, they made it through the ENTIRE season and then suddenly, in the last episode, Erica, with tears welling in her evil eyes, starts whining about how it doesn't matter what ethnicity you are, it's all about what's on the inside that counts. Man, Daylight Savings Time really did a number on me, this year. I didn't realize it was 1974! SERIOUSLY?! You're trying to represent for interracial couples? You DO realize THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA is mixed race, right?! HOW is being of different ethnic backgrounds in ANY way relevant? Oh right, it's not.
It's like this every season. Was it last season that Margie and Luke were on? Luke, who is deaf, by the way and kept saying how he wanted to prove that being deaf didn't mean he couldn't do all the physically demanding tasks in the Race. Uhhhh... no kidding! I know what deaf means. Did ANYONE think that being deaf also meant being in some way physically incapable of lugging heavy crap around or running or whatever wacky crap the producers could come up with? Or am I just giving society too much credit?
And like EVERY season, there's the gay team who feel that they need to prove that being gay doesn't equal being non-athletic. I mean, it does for me... I had to go with "asthma" for being the reason I couldn't participate in gym. I should have just had my dad write a note that said, "Please excuse my Nancy Boy son from participating in any tasks that require physical labor or coordination. His favorite color is pink and he plays with dolls. Thank you." This year, it was brothers Sam & Dan, who spent half the season pretending to be straight and then when they came out, said that their family and friends didn't know. GREAT role models. Way to represent. (<-- Sarcasm.) But may I remind everyone, the very first winners of The Amazing Race were... a GAY COUPLE!
I mean... precedent set. Point already proven. Yet, I promise you next season, we're gonna see and hear it all again. Aaaaaaaand, completely gratuitously, here's a better photo of one half of that first couple:
Man, Lance Bass got to tap that?! Lucky bitch!

So, I suppose I should address the whole Adam Lambert thing.
First of all, okay, I can kiiiinda get why people were upset that time that Janet Jackson popped her boob out at the Super Bowl. I STILL think it got blown way out of proportion, but okay, it WAS in the afternoon and kids WERE watching, so, y'know fine. Maybe it wasn't quite the proper venue for a titty flash. But Glambert's performance was on a music awards show at like 11 pm! What's your excuse this time, Frightened America?

Also, you know what I say? GOOD for him. I mean, when you think back to the earliest days of Rock & Roll, to like Little Richard and Jerry Lee Lewis and even Elvis... those guys were SCANDALOUS! People were actually horrified by them and terrified about what impact they would have on young people. They used to take Little Richard's salacious songs and have milquetoast Pat Boone rerecord them to make them safer and cleaner for white listeners. (He was like the original Kid's Bop.) Rock music was considered DANGEROUS. Somehow, though, it's like the Pat Boones won. I mean, that's all American Idol is, a seventies variety show, with these uber-cheesy song and dance numbers and safe boring cover songs. That's what people LIKE about it. But in the process, we don't really have that dangerous edge that Rock music used to signify. So good for anyone who can put on a performance that gets people all hot under the collar like this. We kinda need it.On the other hand, if there's one thing I do think Adam Lambert should apologize for, it's completely sucking. I mean really people. He's DREADFUL! All that shrieking and yowling... he claims to be a huge disciple of Freddie Mercury and Robert Plant, but I'd like to point out that neither built their career on just screaming at the top of their lungs. That would be Mariah Carey. I feel like I should be supportive and all... and I know a lot of gays are, but... gah! Makes me wish I was deaf like Luke... then I'd be physically fit enough to be a runner up in The Amazing Race AND I wouldn't have to ever hear Adam Lambert again, soooooo not seeing a lot of downside here.

1 comment:

  1. OK, I literally laughed out loud when I read the note your dad should have written you for getting out of gym class. Also, I love Adam Lambert, I own his album and I haven't stopped listening to it since I got it. So suck it, haters, I'm a Lambert fan!