Friday, September 3, 2010

WTFriday?! 09-03-10 DC Housewives FTW!

Okay, so first off, I'm not sure how or when I became a fan of the Real Housewives franchise. Sometime around Jersey and Atlanta. Actually, those are the only two I watch. Orange County and NY are boring. (If I am wrong, please feel free to correct me.) These bitches are so RIDICULOUS! Atlanta is THE!! BEST!!! What with Nene and Kee-yum and She By Sheree... FABOOSH! I heard Lisa is leaving the show, which... I mean yeah, she's kinda "the boring one" but you NEED at least one NORMAL one to balance out the krazay of the others! Even though I don't watch whichever one The Countess is on, I have been avidly following her music career.
1st Single - Money Can't Buy You Class

2nd Single - Chic, C'Est La Vie

Such a BROAD repertoire! Those don't sound like THE EXACT SAME SONG AT ALL!!! I mean, it's no "Tardy For The Party." NOTHING is "Tardy For The Party." I love the part at the end, when she talks about having a lipsync contest on her website! I need to do that shizz! Except I like to sing that out loud, even though I can't sing it as deeply as she does. Guess her balls are bigger than mine.

Also, now PROSTITUTION WHORE has a single out too.

Surprisingly, not as entertaining as the others' songs. But those are kinda awesomely terrible. Danielle's is just boring. WORST! DANCERS!! EVER!!! though.

The first part of the Jersey reunion show started out AWESOME!!! It was like The Jerry Springer Show multiplied by PROSTITUTION WHORE!!! But it kinda went downhill after that. I hate listening to Danielle lie and try to act all composed. The second half looks to be entertaining at times, though, so we'll see...

Onto the current batch, the Housewives of DC: SPOILER ALERT!!!
I L-O-V-E it! It didn't look like it was going to be that good... well, I mean, it's not GOOD but you know what I mean. There are a few boring nice ones, but the two batshit crazy ones are EXTREMELY batshit crazy, so SCORE!
Of course the MAIN reason to tune in is to see the shenanigans of the White House Party Crashers, the Salahis. GOLDMINE! See, I was worried there'd be some rational explanation for the party crash (which will be in the final episode of the season), but NOPE! They're just THAT STUPID! They appear to do it all the time. That Tariq is one prize bullshit artist. One of those "can sell ice to eskimos" types and he's gooooooood at it. Thus far, we've seen them crash the Congregational Black Caucus Dinner by showing up with an invitation for one AND BRINGING FRIENDS and still somehow getting in, getting kicked out (by the SECRET SERVICE) and then getting BACK in... INTO THE V.I.P. AREA!!! WHAT?!?! Later, nice girl Stacie asks Michaele what she thinks of Obama and the string of bullshit and nonsense that comes out of her mouth is PRICELESS! It was just a bunch of words that didn't fit together in ANY logical manner.
I wish Bravo would just make one of the awesome gay men on their shows OFFICIAL Housewives. This season's unofficial housewife is Paul. The Salahis throw him a birthday bash... correction, they "sponsored" his birthday bash and then contacted Paul's colleague THE DAY OF and said that they needed IN WRITING a document stating that they would not be responsible to pay for ANY of the party! THE DAY OF!!! Okay, so then, they own a winery, right? So they were going to provide wine from their winery, only at the party, they show up with ONE bottle of champagne that Tariq HAS to open with a sword, because any other way would simply be preposterous. THAT'S IT! Drink up, everyone! There's NO MORE where that came from!

Speaking of the winery, they seem hesitant to allow anyone to sample any of the wine. In one episode, he comes out with some "chardonnay" only it's actually BEER! Then they are supposed to have a grape stomp only the grapes (the few that are there) are CLEARLY grocery store table grapes! The women are supposed to produce like a pint of juice are something and there are only enough grapes that they produce like two drops! Oh and let's not forget that Tariq's MOM has spent two years trying to force him out of the family business! Like what kinda shit do you have to pull that your MOM wants nothing to do with you?!

Here's the real shockerino... THEY'RE NOT EVEN THE WORST ONES! At least they like to have a good time.
That "honor" belongs to world class CUNT Cat! I'm not even joking, she might be the most repugnant of ALL the Housewives from ANY of the series! I HATE HER! I want to PUNCH HER REPEATEDLY! She's just a complete and total BITCH at all times to EVERYONE! She claims not to be racist, but... you coulda fooled me, by some of her behavior. Nothing like a little racism to knock it out of the park in the game of Dislikeability! Having her and the Silahis on the same show makes for MUST WATCH TV for me! Awful, awful, awful! But DELICIOUS!

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