Tuesday, August 9, 2011

How Can I Not Care And Still Be Completely P.O.'d At The Same Time

Two "big" comic-related stories popped up last week, but they were things I was kinda apathetic about.
First, over in Marvel's "Ultimate" Universe, they recently killed off Spider-Man. They are relaunching the Ultimate comics and will introduce a new successor to Peter Parker, Miles Morales a teenager who happens to be half black, half Latino. Huh. Okay, well, they replaced Ted Kord as the Blue Beetle with a Latino teen and that actually went well. I mean... I don't read the Ultimate books anymore, so what's it matter to me? Sounds like a good idea, though and Spider-Man is about as big a name as they come, so to have him embodied by an ethnic character is pretty bold, if you ask me. Along the lines of having AA female Monica Rambeau go by the name Captain Marvel, but even moreso!
Second, they revealed that Lawrence Fishburn would portray Perry White in the upcoming Superman: The Man of Steel movie. My reaction? Well, heck, Lawrence Fishburn kicks ASS! That's perfect casting! But that movie is so far off that I'm not getting myself worked up over it just yet. But anyway, that's a good choice, right?

Oh fuckin' WRONG! I started reading comments online and it was the skuzziest, most racist shit you could imagine! I was stunned, appalled and ashamed! Ashamed because I am a dyed-in-the-wool NERD! I am DORK to the core and I associate myself with that culture... only to find that these "peers" I align myself with, this culture I feel a part of, consists of such bigoted idiots! I've always tried to brush it off as more of an exclusionary thing. I've always said that hetero white males feel that if a protagonist isn't also a hetero white male and they don't read that character's books or see their movies or whatever, it isn't that they're racist, it's they feel that the character isn't like them, therefore feel that they won't "get" the character or they feel that the book (or movie or whatever) isn't FOR them, it's for individuals that are superficially like the character. But, nope! Turns out fanboys are just racist assholes.
Not even the old school, sheet-wearing, sister-fucking kind where they're just FLAT OUT EVIL. These are people that INSIST they aren't racist at all. They're "traditionalist." "Spider-Man has always been white! This is just PC garbage!" Peter Parker has always been white. The REAL Peter Parker still is. In Ultimate comics, though, Peter Parker is all kindza DEAD! This is a new character. Why does his successor have to be YET ANOTHER Caucasian teen hero? We have a shit ton of them already, 75% of which are in the Legion of Super Heroes. Fuck that! We need another white teen in tights like we need another fucking Green Lantern. What the fuck is everyone's problem?! I don't even get why people are pissed. This isn't Peter Parker! This isn't the REAL Marvel Universe! Why does it always have to be about YOU, white people?!

And who gives a fuck about Perry White?! I can't believe that people are bitching about that when in Iron Man, they turned Caucasian butler Jarvis into a fucking COMPUTER and no one said shit about that! A computer isn't even HUMAN! So what does that say?! White fanboys are okay with characters being dehumanized, but NOT being a different sort of human that is probably more athletic and can dance better than them?! Such ridiculous bullshit! GAH!

Also, it's 2011. Who the fuck is still racist? Are people even still doing that anymore?! Jesus, I know comic fans aren't that hip, but that backwards shit went out with fedoras and cocktails at lunch. (Okay those two things are welcome back in style, but not RACISM!)

Huff huff! Deep breaths! (Pass me a cocktail.)

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