Friday, June 25, 2010

WTFriday?! 06-25-10 Eye of the Cartoon Tiger

I didn't realize just how influential the music of Survivor was, but apparently EVERY 80s cartoon theme emulated their hairlicious sound. Looks like every kid in the 80s was rocking out with their... oh I can't even go there. Okay, FEEL the POWER of RAWK! Also, I MUST point out that most of these opening title sequences are a bazillion times better than than the shitty cartoons they led into. But of course kids are stupid and will watch anything.

Pole Position (Although the annoying cartoon characters BLAB all over the rawkin' theme song! SHUT UP, TOONS! So I can hear the TUNES!)

Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors (PS after this show came on, I tried to get away with calling myself "Jayce" but the rest of the world wasn't havin' it. Sigh! No nickname for me!):

M.A.S.K. (Which stood for Mobile Armored Strike... Kommand... oh, that's spelled wrong...):

I love the robot backup singer going "Ma-ma-ma-Mask!" He would of course go on to sing backup for Lady Gaga.

Oddly, as toy-riffic as this show seemed, there wasn't a Dinosaucers toy line! (Well, not in the US at any rate.) I totally LOVED Ichy the Ichthyosaurus (underwater dino) and Pteryx, the girl who was pink and had feathers!
Let's keep it rolling with The Bionic Six!:

Once again, my fave was the girl, Meg a.k.a. Rock-1!
Next up, Spiral Zone:

Uhhhhh... I BARELY recall this one, but it looks trauma-inducing! That villain at the beginning is terrifying! None of that Cobra Commander/Skeletor bumbling dumb shit villainy, this guy looks like he'd reach through the screen and cut your Coco Puffs-eatin' ass! AND WHAT'S UP WITH THE SCARY ZOMBIE CHILD?! Yikes! That's like anime territory... and not the cutesy Pokemon kind, the scary tentacle rape kind! (That'll ruin a day!)
Mighty Orbots:

Once again, BARELY remember this one, but I like the twin girl robots... you KNOW that's someone's biggest sexual fantasy, right?! And isn't there one robot who doesn't get named in the credits? They name the dumb one, the girls, the fat one... but then they show the group and there's a skinny flying robot that totally got dissed in the credits? Weird!
Next is Thundercat's bitches, Silver Hawks:

I gotta give props to Steelheart:
One of the first loud and proud dyke action heroines. Like Peppermint Patty in battle armor!

Defenders of the Earth, notable because it was a modern animated version of comic strip characters from the 1940s, Flash Gordon, The Phantom (who has the best description of them all, "The beasts call him BRUTHA!") and Mandrake the Magician, as well as Mandrake's assistant Lothar, thankfully bearing no resemblance to the RACIST AS FUCK SCARED IGNORANT BLACK SAVAGE from the original comic strips!

The older heroes were joined by their offspring, Flash Gordon's son Rick (who I had a total crush on, btw), The Phantom's telepathic daughter Jetta, Lothar's son L.J. (Lothar Junior... seriously) and Mandrake's... young Asian ward. Ahem.

Here is a special treat! Well, "treat." A music VIDEO version of the theme song to Adventures of the Galaxy Rangers:

No Guts, No Glory?! C'mon, it doesn't GET more 80s than that shit! I need that on my workout mix! (Ha ha, I don't work out! But if I did, that would be on there, right after "Eye of the Tiger" and before "Danger Zone.")

You think all these songs were by the same guy/band? I mean, they all sound the same.

GI Joe was probably my favorite show when it was on. It's theme song was NOT hairlicious. All together now, "GI Joe is the codename for America's daring, highly trained, special mission force. Its purpose: To defend human freedom from Cobra, a ruthless, terrorist organization determined to rule the world!" Those'll probably be my last words.

Like I said, NOT hair metallic. BUT in England, the show became Action Force and break out the power cords!

Cobra sounds much fancier when referred to as a "ruthless, terrorist organ-I-zation!"

Hasbro hoped to spin it's popular cartoons off into theatrical movies, but the first two, My Little Pony and Transformers BOMBED, so they scrapped that plan. There was a Jem movie in the planning stages which would have rocked, and GI Joe which was already made, but rather than spend the bucks needed to promote it as a theatrical movie, they just dumped it on TV and VHS. The movie was kind of stupid, involving a lost civilization of bug creatures. Yeah. Even so, the opening title sequence is the single best piece of animation EVER! They rocked up the regular cartoon theme song and came up with this glorious masterpiece:

OH MY GOD!!! That was so awesome! Watch it again! I'll wait...

...that three minute segment was so much better than the live action GI Joe movie!!! How badass is that part where Snake-Eyes grabs the Trouble Bubble, does that flip to knock the pilot out and then flips again into the pilot's seat?! SO AWESOME!!!!

Sigh... I had to go and mention Transformers: The Movie, didn't I. Well, I can't very well end this blog without... The Touch!

BEST! MOTIVATIONAL SPEECH!! EVER!!! The Touch was inexplicably covered by Dirk Diggler in Boogie Nights:

You sir, are NO Stan Bush!

Well... I certainly think that's enough AWESOME to get you through the weekend. Cue heavy metal scream: Yeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!

1 comment:

  1. I especially enjoyed the low "Cooobbraa" followed by the high "cobrahhhhhh!"