Monday, October 25, 2010

MANic Monday 10-26-10 Top Ten Men In Tights

This is a topic I have covered before, in great depth, but in keeping with the whole Halloween/costume thing, I thought I'd do a listing of my Top Ten Hottest Men In Tights, or the Top Ten Hottest Live Action Super Heroes Ever! Okay it would have been more logical to do like hottest guys in horror movies or hottest monsters, but sue me, I don't swing that way.

First, a couple of Honorable Mentions. These are guys from when I was REALLY young. Looking at them now, they look supa cheesy, but at the time, they were doing something right!

First, Burt Ward as Robin from the 60s Batman.
I mean, I was like a year old and I thought he was cute, so that's how gay I've always been. It's kinda strange I would gravitate toward him, though, since he's clearly "the bottom."

Next, Sam Jones as Flash Gordon.

And very closely related, Reb Brown as Captain America.
They made these two made-for-TV Captain America movies and man they were turds! But I recall, about 15 years ago, watching them on VHS, there was a scene were tan, blond, muscular Steve Rogers at the beach in a pair of short shorts (that's how men wore them then, not knee-length board shorts) and an unzipped hoodie with no shirt. Nice! I mean he had an amazing body, but his costume certainly didn't showcase that!

Nicholas Hammond as Spider-Man/Peter Parker
The show was kinda long and boring, but Nicholas Hammond was cute enough.... kinda like Larry Wilcox on CHIPS.

I later acquired an encyclopedia of sci-fi, horror and comic adaptations. The book ran an average b&w pic of Spidey in action, notable in that his jockstrap was visible underneath his tights. At age 10, that was Private Time! Nicholas Hammond has cute enough.... he could have been one of your dad's cute co-workers you got to get beers for after softball games. Yeahhhhh. Then recently I bought an in depth book about the super shows of the era and guess what? Nicholas Hammond only played Peter Parker! In the Spider-Suit was the longest haired, porno 'stached hippie you can imagine! A cloud of patchouli sprayed from the book into my face! I feel VIOLATED! Steel wool shower time! While I do that, enjoy this...

Hey Ladies? It's Lyle Waggoner as Colonel Steve Trevor from Wonder Woman!
Fun fact, the role in the 60s Batman series came down to him and Adam West! Guess Lyle had to settle with playing sidekick to Wonder Woman!

And the TOP: Gil Gerard as Buck Rogers!
I would have only been like six or seven when this show was on, but Buck Rogers working those white tights made me feel REALLY special. God, he was SO handsome!
I'll uh, forgive this pic.

Anyway onto more recent developments! The REAL list of the Hottest Men In Tights!
10. Shawn Ashmore as Iceman (X-Men)
I gotta admit, in compiling this list, it skewed way twinkier than I would have figured. But Shawn is so cute I can forgive him for not spelling his name S-E-A-N, as it should be. Bonus points for having an identical twin. (Yeah, gay guys are into that too!)

9. John Wesley Shipp as The Flash

Offsetting that a bit, like Gil Gerard, JWS is a more mature hunk. There's something about his non-symmetrical features that gives him that added rugged sex appeal. Which is odd, because when you think of the Flash in the comics, you don't really think of him as rugged! But Mr. Shipp brought it in this role. Too bad they drew from the movie Batman well and stuck him a molded foam rubber suit rather than something sleeker... you know, that a RUNNER might actually wear, rather than this cumbersome thing that would wear him out after walking five steps. Just sayin'. He went on to play Dawson's daddy on Dawson's Creek, but was killed off, even so he can be my daddy anytime!

8. Tobey Maguire as Spider-Man
Forget "Adorkable!" Tobey looked SMOKIN' HOT in that Spider-Suit!

7. Brandon Routh as Superman
Ditto Superman. Too bad nobody liked this movie. (I thought it was okay enough! I saw it twice in the theater!) Proof that you don't need to stick super heroes in armor or S&M leather to make them work.

6. Austin St. John as Jason the Red Ranger (Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers)
I used to love me some Power Rangers! (I was in college at the time!) This crazy show got me going in the morning before I discovered the magic of coffee. And Austin St. John totally got me going! God he was so HAWT! And did NOT go on to be a porn star, despite internet rumors. That last pic is of him recently and while he's packed on some pounds, I still find him very attractive. Very.

5. Chris O'Donnell as Robin (Batman Forever)
Batman Forever was GOOD! EVERYONE loved it! It was the one after that that sucked and torpedoed the franchise! (Although two of these pics are from that one.... eh, he was still cute.) Holy Codpiece! I saw this movie like FIVE times in the theater! I will ALWAYS love Chris O'Donnell. He's still dreamy!

4. Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool (X-Men Origins: Wolverine) and Hannibal King (Blade Trinity)
You know what? Stop making trilogies. The third one is ALWAYS ballz! X-Men 3, Spider-Man 3, Superman 3... ballz, ballz, ballz. Blade Trinity was crap... unbearable save for hunky, shirtless Ryan Reynolds as new addition, Hannibal King. Don't love the beard, but don't HATE it either. And I'll be honest, I never even saw Wolverine! I smelled that garbage truck coming down the street! And not even RyRey was enough enticement to lure me into that shit shack! AND he's not even through! He's coming up as Green Lantern next summer! And this time... tights! Start drooling now!

3. Chris Evans as The Human Torch (Fantastic Four)
C'mon, there's no denying Chris Evans' sexitivity! I think even animals are attracted to him! Squeeze that into a super snug "scuba suit" and AIN'T NUTHIN' WRONG WITH THAT!
And once again, more coming as he's working on Captain America to be released next year!

Anyway, if you've been paying any attention to this blog and honestly, I don't blame you if you don't, my top two should be no surprise.

2. Alan Ritchson as Aquaman (Smallville)
Blond, pretty, all-American goodness! (Even if he IS from Atlantis.) Aquaman on Smallville has a cocky swagger not found in the comics' pages. I'm not complaining! I bought his new series, Blue Mountain State on DVD and... yeah, I don't think I can ever watch it in the presence of another person. Blush!

1. Justin Hartley as Green Arrow (Smallville)
God, he is just like the most beautiful, perfect man I have ever seen. Not exaggerating. Just flawless! Plus he takes off his shirt... A LOT!!!
Once again, JUST! CUZZZ!!!

Did I omit any? Probably! And obviously, I'm not counting movies that aren't out yet. But anytime anyone makes a "definitive" list everyone thinks their list is shit and the "How dare you forget..." starts.

1 comment:

  1. No complaints from me. I like them all. And I've seen the bare bootys of seven of the guys on the list. Ahhhh.