Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Tune OUT Tuesday

Yeah, I almost hesitate to even write this, because it's going to come across as one of the most mean-spirited posts I've ever written, but I'm a blogger and we're all shitty mean assholes. But okay, so out today on DVD and BluRay, Burlesque. Show of hands... does anyone like Christina Aguilera? Yeah, didn't think so. I mean, don't get me wrong! I'm not talking about her talent at all. She has a phenomenal voice! She has an amazing range, but it's not as pristine and overdone as Mariah Carey's. Christina has a nice rasp in her voice and I totally LOVE a lot of her songs. So I'm not talking about that exactly, but does anyone like HER. As a person? See.

I mean, from the very beginning, back when she was a Genie In A Bottle wanting us to rub her the right way, word got out reeeeeeaaaaal quick about what a bitch she was. And don't give me any of that "why is it a woman can't be assertive and express her opinions without being called a bitch?" If I call a woman a bitch, it's the same thing as calling a man an asshole and sometimes a woman is just a bitch, so don't try and use feminism to make yourself the victim here! Being assertive and expressing your opinion doesn't make you a bitch. See Lady Gaga. Or Katy Perry. Or Beyonce. Being sour, humorless, rude and disrespectful does. Maybe if I just starting using asshole as a unisex term that would avoid the whole argument.

She was so desperate to not be part of the whole teen pop boom of the time. Every article I read about her, she went out of her way to talk about how edgy she was and how different she was from the other acts that were big at the time. Like in one she made a point to talk about how she had blue and red streaks in her hair in the "Come On Over" video. Yeah, that's pretty badass. Wait... no it's not.

Then she did that thing that I just HATE where she completely dissed her first album as being too poppy and not representative of her as an artist and just plain bad. Oh really? So what are you saying about the MILLIONS of fans who liked it and bought it and made you rich and famous off of it? That they're a bunch of knuckle-dragging morons?

(This is the real douchey part, on my end.) And she's a NATURALLY beautiful woman, but she does everything she can to make herself unappealing! Her hair is a disaster. It makes my scalp burn just looking at that horrific flat, one-note bleach job! Fake blonde can be done right, but it needs to be a color that occurs in nature and have some highlights AND lowlights and depth and tone! Her hair always just looks fried. Like if it could scream, it totally would and it would hit a higher note than her voice ever has. She's always crazy Snooki tan. (That doesn't look good, every girl in Anderson!) She wears too much makeup and it always looks like shit, the hooker red lips, the tarantula mascaraed eyelashes and... whatever she puts on her face that makes it look like she's always moist and sticky.

I WILL say this! She's taken some heat for gaining weight, but considering she was always such a twig, she could use a few extra pounds and it's not like she's Aretha Franklin or anything! If she gets a lot heavier, it could be a problem, but as of right now, I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

But then there's her behavior. She was so desperate to be a bad girl, she started hanging out with Paris Hilton and partying like Tommy Lee. Britney Spears once said that she ran into her at a club after not seeing her in years and the first thing she did was try ramming her tongue down Brit's throat. Recently, she crashed Jeremy Renner's birthday party at his house and got so trashed she passed out in his bed! His reaction, "Who does that?!"

This comes after a lot of career setbacks. Her Bionic album was panned across the board and flopped. Subsequently, she scrapped plans to tour. Then Burlesque was also savaged by critics and bombed at the box office (to be fair, audience reaction was considerably higher). Then she flubbed the lyrics to the Star Spangled Banner at the Super Bowl and was raked over the coals for it.

So... yeah, I mean the talent is there. She has made a number of excellent singles. But she's just soooooo unlikeable in so many other ways! It makes it hard to root for you, if you're a totally out-of-control bitch asshole.

REEEEEEEEEEEE-MIX! Guess who got arrested last night! Xtina and her bf! Bf for DUI WITH Xtina in the car, her for public intoxication. Apparently, she was completely out of it and unable to take care of herself. SAD!!! Get yo'self together, girl! Too much talent to piss away like that!


  1. Lol. All true. Now, in her style, I will make a comment---"COMMMEEEENTTT-hooo hooh ohho-hey ey yayYAAAAAAAAAAAY commma comma comMMEEEEEEENTing on her cray cray CRAAAAZZZYYYYgrrrrrOHOHOHOHOHO OHH OHHHHhhhh oooooooooo ya ya ya ya heeeeey."