Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Tune Out Tuesday 12-28-10 American Pickers Slash

I got nuthin'. It's a wasteland, right now. In fact, today's Tune In Tuesday at work, there were ZERO video games released, ONE cd and it wasn't even a full-length cd, it was a five song Glee collection (of like the worst songs ever on the show, I might add) and two movies, The American and a Resident Evil that I hadn't realized they'd made. I like Mila Jovovich, so good for her that she still has pay checks coming. I'm not contributing to them, but good for her.

Every TV show is seemingly on hiatus so with nothing on TV, it feels like all I've watched for the past two weeks is Pawn Stars and American Pickers. It's one of the only things David and I can agree on. He won't watch my reality competition shows. I won't watch his touchy feely feel-good dreck and when he tried to put in Christmas Vacation I rolled my eyes so hard, I think they sounded like granite scraping. I know what you're thinking, "But Christmas Vacation is a classic!" Yes, so much a classic that I think he watched it every day for like the entire month of December last Christmas, so I NEVER, EVER, EVER need to EV-URRRRR see it again.

I don't really LIKE Pawn Stars and American Pickers, I just don't dislike them either. They're like most of the shows on the Food Network and stuff like that. Just something mindless but vaguely interesting droning in the background.
Odd coincidence, last weekend, in that USA Today insert in the Sunday paper, someone wrote in asking if either of the two guys on it had girlfriends and the answer was no, so my first thought was "Time to write a slash fic!" Seriously, just turn back now. Do not read on! Okay, you were warned.

Mike and Frank high fived on their way back to their van from the old farmhouse they'd just finished picking from, and they'd scored some primo stuff! Mike, the one tall, skinny one who looked like a tight-tee-shirt rocking, douchy Bill Nye The Science Guy was super stoked over a 1926 Coventry Eagle B33 350CC motorcycle. It was in pretty rough shape and even missing the handlebars, so Mike was able to finagle it from the owner for a mere $800. Frank, the fat... er, cuddly teddy bear one, was thrilled with a collection of vintage metal signs, most of which were in remarkable condition. As the pair cruised down the desolate country road seeking their next destination, Mike commented, "I'm so excited about that Coventry Eagle I literally have a boner! Check it out!"

Frank balked. "Dude, I don't wanna see your boner!" Frank then nervously realized he himself had one, but that was from being bored and the vibration from the road.

Mike laughed, "I can see yours! You have one too! You that excited over those signs?"

Frank could barely spit his words out. "No! I'm just bored, that's all!"

"Well, we should just take care of this situation, shouldn't we?"

"What do you have in mind," Frank nervously mumbled.

"We haven't passed another car in an hour. Let's just get in the back of the van and relieve some stress. It'll be just like shaking hands, except use your mouth for your hand and my dick as my hand."

"Woah! What about me?"

"I'll give if I get!"

So they ambled into the back of the van and fornicated.

The End!

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